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General Dating Questions/should i move on and just forget her?4


Hi James

A few months ago I met a girl when I was traveling over Europe.  She was on my tour group for 10 days.  We became reasonably friendly and I got her number on the last day.  She said she was also keen to meet up with me when she returned home (we are both from the same city in Australia).

We continued our separate ways and a month later, when she returned home after her travel adventures, I took her out to coffee.  That went really well and at the end of the first date she said she would like to have dinner with me.

I suggested dinner in a week's time on a Saturday and she said she couldn't as she had a friend's party to attend but suggested we go out Sunday night.  Unfortunately I couldn't do Sunday due to prior commitments.  I was also unavailable the following weekend as I was out of town.

Fast forward 2 weeks and I contacted her to make dinner plans.  This time she came up with some random excuse (like she had to be somewhere else that day due to work).  When I tried a few times to reschedule, she gave me some further random excuses.  

Eventually, when I asked her it appears she has changed her mind about me, she admitted she was seeing someone else at the moment and that it just wouldn't be fair to reunite with me.

I was obviously disappointed.  I decided I would just move on so I wished her well and didn't contact her further.

Fast forward a month and we both coincidentally moved to the same suburb (she is literally down the road from me!).  We also randomly bumped into each other on the bus the other week and sparks started to fly again.

She told me which street she lived on (although hasn't given me her exact address), and later that night sent me a message saying that it was great seeing me and that I could come over any time (she lives with 2 house mates so it appears to me if I did invite myself over things would be reasonably platonic).

I am not sure whether I should take this further.  I obviously really like this girl but a month ago she made it clear that she was seeing someone else so I really don't want to waste time and energy on a girl who appears to either just want to be friends or is stringing me along as a backup.

What do you think I should do?  Shall I just move on or try a different approach?  

She only came out of a 3 year relationship some 9 months ago and she is in regular contact with her ex as they remain good friends.

Logically it appears I should just move on but a part of me doesn't want to give up on her.  If I invite myself over her place (most likely her house mates will be around), rather than take her out on a proper date, we will probably just end up having a very nice and friendly conversation and risk being friend-zoned.

What do you think I should do?

Many thanks.


Well it sounds like you've already been friend zoned so no need to worry further about that. If she invites you over it couldn't hurt to be polite and visit, but if you're worried she is thinking of you as a backup I would give up on her in the romantic sense. It is probably best to make yourself seem uninterested and occupied with bigger things. She had her chance already.

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First and foremost if you read ahead you'll find I have a word limit on questions I'll read. This site is for short simple questions and it should not be for writing essays. Please also note I am unfamilar with most cultures outside of United Stated, UK, and France. Please respect my rules. I don't like rejecting questions. I will be the first to admit that I don't know everything about dating, women/men, and interpersonal connections. However I have learned quite a bit vicariously from other people's experiences. Think of my advice as a second opinion. I would be happy to answer all questions related to relationships, dating, self-confidence, and self-image that I can. I have struggled with all of those things and probably know better than most how to deal with all of them.

I hope more than anything that my advice and opinions will help give people perspective in their lives, and hopefully make them feel better about themselves and their situations. I will attempt answering questions for anyone of any age group or nationality. However it would be particularly useful to know the age of all people involved. It does make a difference towards the advice I give. Also not terribly familar with arranged marriages and situations in which the family can dictate the details of the relationship.

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I don't really have any specific experience in this area other than learning from other people's mistakes and a few of my own, and whatever I've learned as a psychology major.

B.S. Psychology

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