General Dating Questions/None


Hello again, hope you're well.

I had some doubts in my mind so I thought I refer them to you. Look I'm no pervert or anything but these are completely logical and justified questions.

1. I've heard that masturbating weakens muscles and sexual organs, causes hair loss and decreases libido. The reason given was that the liquid that comes before ejaculation is made up of 90 drops of blood. So in short, a lot of blood is wasted during each ejaculation. Further, my friends used to say that masturbating once is equal to have sex with 70 or 100 women at a time. I thought it may be true as after doing it, a guy feels tired and sleepy, that includes me too ;)

2. Anyway, common wisdom has it that women are less hornier than men. But I saw you mention somewhere that  womem desire sex as much as men do. But if that's the case, why is the audience of adult films mostly males?

3. This ones not racist, I repeat, this one's not racist. But I heard it from a friend that white skinned people desire sex more than other skins. Is that true?

4. I heard that when a man has sex with a woman older than him, it reduces a man's energy but if a man has sex with a younger women, it's good for his health. Is this true?

5. We often see in films that the protagonist, after starting a relationship with his love interest succeeds in sleeping with her. In real life, is it really that easy or is it just film world?

6. What do you think, does a women look for in a man, those 'bad guy' or 'tough guy' looks or the normal casual look. For a man to be ahead in the world of dating, which things he must polish to have more success?

Thanks alot for your contribution to this category!

Hello Raiden!

1. Absolutely, positively untrue. It's been proved over and over again that masturbation (and specifically orgasm regardless of how it comes about) actually IMPROVES your overall health. In fact, there are tons of physical and mental benefits to orgasm. The body NEEDS orgasm and it doesn't care at all how that orgasm is brought about. You don't lose anything. In fact, you gain a TON.

2. Again, completely untrue. Women are at least as (and many much more so!) hornier than men are. Women who are healthy have extremely strong libidos. As to adult films you're confusing stimulation sources here. The vast majority of porn is focused on men because men are more likely to prefer visual stimulation. However, many, many women enjoy porn too - just as much as men!

On the other hand, women tend to be more stimulated by fantasy. They often build elaborate scenarios and situations in their own fantasies and play these out when they masturbate or even have sex with someone. The best work I can use to describe the fantasies is "rich" as they are often quite intricate. However; just as every man is different so is every woman.

3. No. That isn't (generally) true, but to understand that you have to differentiate "desire" from "have". Your friend is likely basing his beliefs on a study that came out a number of months ago that shows Scandinavians have the most sex of any "race" and the Japanese have the least. That isn't at all due to skin color however. It's based far more on culture.

For example, you are in the Middle East and simply by being in a Muslim country you (and your countrymen) are far less likely to have the amount of sex OR the number of sex partners that someone in my country (the US) would have. That's simply a cultural difference having absolutely nothing to do with libido. You guys get just as horny just as often as we do. Your women are just as sexual as ours are, etc.

4. Absolutely untrue. Your partner's age has nothing whatsoever to do with your own energy level, health, libido or anything else. With that said, if you are attracted to younger women you're likely to be more sexually interested ("turned on") when having sex with younger women. If you're attracted to older women, you'll get more turned on by them, etc.

It's the same thing with all sorts of individual features. Maybe you like women with long hair or full lips or with bigger boobs, etc. Your performance is going to be better with women whom you are more attracted to.

5. Sex and love are two separate things. For that reason you can have sex with someone you don't love. However, when you love someone you absolutely want to express it to them sexually.

It's rare to find real relationships between people where there is no sex. Sex is a very important part of communication and we are naturally wired to communicate our feelings for someone in that way.

The film world gets a lot of things wrong, but on that point, it's completely right.

6. Which woman? Different women look for different things. Some women like men who are big and/or tall because they look powerful. Some women like men with strong, deep authoritative voices. Some women like men with hairy chests. Some women like "bad boys" - but none of them want to have that bad boy sense directed toward them.

I'll say this however: very, very few women want "nice guys". They are far too easy to walk all over, manipulate and control. That isn't appealing to the vast majority of women. In fact, there's something of a middle-ground you want to find. You want to be a good guy when it's called for and be able to be bad or tough when it's appropriate.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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