General Dating Questions/None
Hi Mr Dennis,
1. I doubt if anyone goes by the name 'Raiden', so can you recognize me individually?
2. I remember you saying that women like a combination of 'tough guy' and 'nice guy' so I'm just thinking that if a man is funny, calm, able to cope with difficult situations, can be a shoulder to cry on and has the ability to defend the woman, are these traits desirable in a woman's mind? Would he have better luck with women?
1. I'm not sure what you're asking me here. Other than your name and your general location in the world, I have no other identifying information about you. I don't have your email address or anything else. Of course, you're the only "Raiden" who has written to me so I know that you've asked me question in the past, but that's about it.
Keep in mind too that if you're worried about being identified here on this board, it's very difficult to do for the average user. You can even mark the message as "private" which keeps it out of the general message board. If you want further privacy you can also write to me directly at my email address which goes only to me: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Why do you ask?
2. That's not exactly what I said. I said that MOST GUYS fall to one extreme or the other. They are either the "nice guy" or they are the "jackass". Very few understand that there are positions in between those that are a better choice - and are more attractive to women.
With that said having flexibility in your personality and responses (brought about by solid understanding/education) knowing WHY something is important and reacting to that rather being a pre-programmed automaton is the key to success in any interpersonal interaction.
People (yes, men AND women) are rich, flexible, emotional and complicated. Thus, one style doesn't work for every situation. I constantly get asked by people (mostly women!) why a guy said a particular thing. This goes to show how inflexible many women believe men to be. They expect that there's only one very-likely outcome for all men in all situations. In fact, there are usually hundreds if not thousands.
To answer your specific question however: yes, all of these attributes are good ones to develop but they each have to be used in the right combination at the right time in the right situations to be effective.
Let's step back a second and reconsider the question.
What you're asking me is: "If I develop this list of attributes/abilities, will it help me with women?" The answer of course is "yes", but I have to then go to the next step and ask, "which woman?" There are many women who love funny guys. There's nothing wrong with having a sense of humor and in fact, it's consistently rated as the #3 most important attribute that women find "attractive" in men. However, being funny at a funeral probably isn't going to win you points.
You see, being good at dating, sex and relationships is far more about understanding your target market than it is about understanding yourself. Yes, you have to build that understanding of yourself BEFORE you can learn to apply it to women (just as women have to do with men). But too many guys are "technique focused" and that leads to an inability to be flexible and creative when they need it.
Ultimately, the more tools you have (like these attributes) combined with an ingrained sense of what is important and valuable to women, the better "luck" you have. There really is very little "luck" when it comes to relationships. Skill, knowledge, understanding and flexibility are far, far more important than hoping for luck.
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”