I have been in an on and off relationship since 3 years now. I am 22, he is 26. Our relationship has been through a lot, we used to fight almost everyday to the point where eventually during every fight he would start verbally abusing me. A few months ago, I finally had enough and decided to end this relationship for good. However, a week ago he came back and asked for another chance. He said he realised his mistakes when he thought he had lost me and he would never repeat them again. For some reason, this time I trusted him because his behaviour was so different since it had been from the past 2 years. My heart wants to give him another chance because I think he has changed. Since then, we haven't had a single fight. We have disagreements sometimes but instead of fighting and abusing me, he listens and understands me. He talks to me very lovingly and makes me feel special. We now want to marry each other. I understand why he has been abusive to me in the past, he is from an abusive family background. His father used to abuse his mother and he has grown up seeing this which has made him this way. I just wanted to ask, do these people who are from abusive famillies always become abusive or are there any exceptions? Do these people ever change?
Hello T, hope all is well with you! People who are products of abusive homes vary, when it comes down to changing. A lot of the time its a situation of nature or nurture, and since your boyfriend sounds as if he is trying to change it sounds like its just learned behavior. I feel if he keeps up the new pattern then he can learn how to react better in arguments. Of course you two will have disagreements that happens in relationships of all kinds, but its not what you say its how you say it. I feel if he recognizes he is only doing what was learned and find healthy ways to communicate then they can break the cycle. Give yourself time to heal as well, and once you see progress than its okay to let your guards down. It takes time to mend a relationship that started out turbulent, but it sounds like the two of you are on the right track :).
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