General Dating Questions/Going back to an Ex

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Question
Hi, I am 16 years old. I was with this girl for 3 and a half months, which isn't long. In this time, she cheated a few times with her ex (kissing, saying I love you, sex). I had known but she always felt bad after and I thought it would get better. She ended the relationship because she didn't trust me. Now, 10 months later, we are thinking of getting back together. But I'm sorta afraid. I'm scared the same things will happen, and I'll end up heartbroken again. Through these months, we stayed friends and continued to flirt. I really am confused, because no matter what happens, something always makes me forgive her, and makes me go back to her. What should I do? Should I trust her again, and if anything happens again, leave? Thank you.

Answer
Hi Gage,

As much as I would like to say that a leopard can change it's spots, from what you've told me, maybe it would be wise to leave that break a little longer.

As she cheated on you various times in 3 months, who's to say it won't happen again? The trouble is, in 10 months, how do you know she wasn't equally talking to other people in the same way? Also, some people see forgiveness as a sign of weakness when it comes to cheating, so maybe she thinks she could cheat again and you'd just forgive her. There's a good quote, 'when the past comes calling, don't answer - it has nothing new to say.' Sometimes going backwards is a circle in itself which traps you into the same outcome (as Albert Einstein once said: 'insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.') Don't get trapped going backwards if you're only going to forgive but getting hurt each time in return.

She needs to prove to you first that you can trust her, if not, then maybe it's best not to entertain the idea.

However, the decision is yours.

All the best!

Karen

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Karen

Expertise

I can answer questions on how to meet people, confidence, what to do for the best dates, problems within relationships, how to interact with your partner and how to end relationships amicably and politely. More specifically, I am best at answering issues pertaining to trust, honesty, openness, fear and communication within relationships. It is important to know that everyone loves differently and we must first identify how a partner (or prospective) partner loves, in order to understand them. I cannot answer questions on whether or not someone sounds like they are interested, people are all different when they like or do not like people. I cannot tell you how someone may react or how a situation will end but merely offer you my advice on the subject.

Experience

I do not have professional experience in the area but my knowledge of psychology, teamed with forever being an agony aunt when it comes to relationships means that I have answered many questions on relationships and am proud to say I have seen quite a few relationships flourish with my advice. I am used to surveying people and guiding them in my daily working life. Due to this, I can read situations very well, often putting a much needed outside perspective to good use.

Education/Credentials
BSc (Hons) Psychology

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