General Dating Questions/girl problems, what else?
QUESTION: "I'm Sean, 21 years old from nyc. I have a two part question. First, it regards my history with "crazy" girls. I can't seem to find just the right one to have a normal and steady relationship with. There were times when I did meet girls that I know I could have had a normal relationship with, but they were just to bland, plain, and boring! The girls I usually end up with are cold hearted, emotionless because they don't know what they want or I'll end up with needy, annoying girls who have childhood issues or girls are looking to marry me at first site. All I want is a normal, fun, understanding, and loving relationship. Not asking for much, but I can't seem to stop playing captain save a crazy bitch. I know I'd make a great boyfriend for any woman, and the women in the past tend to not realize it until it was too late. They either drove me with their craziness, cheated on me, or went back to someone else. I don't play second to anyone. It sucks, but I move on just fine. How do I end this curse?
Now, part 2 of my question. I'm normally a confident guy. I get along with people just fine. I feel good, look good, smart, but I still have trouble approaching a girl for a conversation and carrying it on. Usually, I let the girls come up to me. Though, I know most would prefer for me to come and talk. I don't know why. I don't feel nervous or scared. I honestly just don't know what to say, where to begin, and carry it on unless they do start first. How can I change this habit? Can't wait to hear from you."
*I also would like to mention that, very recently, I met a girl who works at my gym and I found the courage to ask her out, she said yes. We hit it off great, but her problem is that, she is a horrible texter! I'm a patient person, but it's frustrating at time thinking about what's going on. I would like to make her my girlfriend down the road (knock on wood) but this communication thing might be a problem. What should I do? Should I talk to her about it? If I do, how can I without offending her?
ANSWER: Hi guy,
Thank-you for your question and happy holidays! Letís see if I can point you in the right direction here. I am going to keep this as brief as I can because itís Christmas Eve, but I wanted to write you back without delay.
I know EXACTLY what you mean when you say you cannot seem to meet a normal, STABLE girl to date/commit to. I say that because I used to be a rescuer as well, attracting crazies from every direction. What I came to finally realize was that it was, in actuality, MY own ďfaultĒ for these girls coming into my experience. You see, subconsciously I did not feel like I deserved an emotionally-stable, loving girl because I didnít really love who I was as a man. That came with 3 solid years of being single and dedicating myself not only to becoming a better man but getting crystal clear in my mind and heart what it is I wanted in a woman and the subsequent relationship to follow.
My guess is that this is happening to you subconsciously as well. In your conscious mind, itís a simple thought of ďwhy canít I seem to attract a good girl?Ē And therein lies your problem. You have a core belief that you cannot attract a good girl, whether you are aware of this or not. Now, it is possible find a girl with the right mix for you. Someone who is fun and engaging, yet not too emotionally-damaged and stable. Every girl is a little bit crazy so keep that in mind. So how can you find this girl? Iíll tell you how I did it to find my now wife, and you can take it for what it is.
Every morning and every night, I did visualization exercises to really capture not only her looks but the essence of the woman I wanted to attract. I also worked on feeling DESERVING of this awesome woman. At first it seemed odd and a bit contrived, but as time went on and I stuck with the visualization exercises, I got to the point where I could absolutely see and feel who this woman was in my mind. I went about my life not trying to SEARCH for this woman because I was confident that she would find me. That is exactly what happened in the craziest of ways and I am very happily married today. I hope this doesnít sound too out there for you because this really can and does work if you apply yourself to it. Itís really a matter of how high your desire is to find a girl who meets your desires. If you go at it half-assed, youíll get similar results. This is how I broke my curse, and I know you can do the same if you put your mind to it (literally).
For part 2 of your question, this really just comes with practice and forcing yourself to have the courage to initiate conversations with women. The definition of COURAGE is feeling the fear and doing it anyway. In this way, you gain confidence 100% of the time regardless of the outcome. That means you could approach and girl and totally flop on the conversation. You still gain courage form that interaction which will help you for the next time. So in the immortal words of Nike, JUST DO IT!
Hereís a tip that might help. Try approaching a girl you do not find all that attractive and strike up a conversation with her. You will feel less threatened initially because you are not sexually attracted and the outcome matters less to you. Still, do this enough times and you will be prepared for when that stunner comes along and itís time for you to engage her. Give it a try. Worked for me.
There is no perfect conversation starter. The easiest thing to do is have the balls to walk up to the girl youíre interested in, introduce yourself and say something very simple such as ďI saw you from across the room, and you struck me as someone Iíd like to get to know better.Ē Just an easy ice breaker. Hopefully this will get her talking and you can take it from there. Remember to be a gentleman at all times my friend!
For the last part of your question, Iím not sure what you mean by horrible texter? Does she text you too often or does she not return your texts fast enough for your liking? If itís the former, simply text her back saying ďI appreciate the message, but letís save this for our date Ē If itís the latter, you should not be texting her in the first place! Real men pick up the phone and talk to a woman. However, during the initial stages of dating, the phone should be reserved for setting up dates ONLY. That means you pick up the phone, call her, ask for the date, confirm the date, get off the phone! Plain and simple. This should take 5-10 minutes max. No texting before or in between dates. Let her wonder about you a bit and what youíre up to when the two of you are not together. This is called challenge my friend and being a challenge is key with women!
Thatís all Iíve got for you. Go have a merry Christmas.
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QUESTION: Hey there again, and happy new year! Okay so, when I meant that she was a bad texter, I meant that she doesn't respond fast enough. Understandably so, she works two jobs right now. Anyways, before she took up a second job, I asked her out and she said yes and we've been talking ever since. However, it's been about 2 weeks since and still haven't gone out yet because if she's not at one job then it's the other. Or she would be so exhausted from both job that she is home asleep. She is only keeping the second job until the end of this month before going back to school. I'm feeling a little patient and impatient because I do understand that she is busy but also, I want to take her out somewhere where we can get on a more personal level. (She works at the front desk at my gym by the way and that's how I met her). So I see her at the gym and we chat up but like I said, I want to get out of that setting. She has told me that she will let me know when she is finally free so that we can go out. I really like her, and I know she likes me too but I feel a bit unsure now. I'm not sure if she's playing me now to put off the date and maybe I'll forget because maybe she's not that really into me. I don't know, or maybe I'm overthinking it. She seems genuine and I want to take her word for it and wait. I feel like I should ask her straight up and see what's really going on, but I don't to offend her and seem annoying. My friend who works with her found out that she recently got out of a one year relationship, so maybe she doesn't want to rush it. Then again, I don't know because we haven't talked about our past relationships. So what should I do?
ANSWER: Hi again and happy new year to you as well!
Thank-you for the clarity on her texting. This problem should take care of itself if youíll take my earlier advice of not texting her (or any other girl youíre interest in) altogether! Trust me, donít do it. Itís annoying to them, and that is the last thing you want if you are going to land this girl on a date finally.
Part of being a man is knowing when to back off and step away. Remember, you want to be a confident man who is not waiting around for one girl. You want to respect yourself at all times and let your gut instinct be your guide. Your current situation reminds me of just such a time. When a girl is holding 2 jobs and barely has time to sleep, you need to give her some breathing room. Patience is truly a virtue my friend and none more so than with women. If she has already said she will contact when she is free to go out, you need to respect her on that (and ultimately yourself) and not contact her again until she reaches back out to you. Is there a possibility she may not contact you back again? Yes. Is there a possibility sheís stringing you along to be nice? Yes. But itís hard to say with absolute certainty. The fact that she just got out of a long-term relationship is an extra factor added to the complexity. However, above all of this, IF she has HIGH interest level in you, then she WILL contact you again to go out when she is free. You see, guys have a hard time stomaching the simplicity of the truth sometimes, and this situation is that simple my friend.
So hereís your game plan from this point forward. When you see her at the gym, be nice and cordial but keep it brief. DON'T mention taking her out again. Let HER bring it up if she wants to. In the meantime, this highlights the importance of having more than 1 phone number (i.e. girl of interest) at any given time. That way you are not putting all your eggs in one basket and just sitting around waiting. So get out there and get some new phone numbers dude! Then you truly will be busy and your mind off this girl until she initiates contact again. Have fun!
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Keeping my mind off of her is not a problem. I am a med student, a marine, and I have plentiful amount of numbers. So I keep myself busy. It's just when I'm around her, I get butterflies and they stay in my stomach for a while. I'm a confrontational person. Not in a rude way, just bluntly and politely honest. I don't like to beat around the bush. However, in my current situation, I don't want to seem as if I come off too hard as of yet. Without any certainty, it's hard for me to not to overthink things. It's easy for me to move on if I just know the truth. No harm or foul, but feel like being patient will pay off this time around. Thanks again!
Well let me take the time to thank you for your service to our country. And nice work on the med school. Almost did that myself but went to social work instead.
I'm glad to hear that you have other numbers and various things to keep you busy. This will serve you well in the dating world. So you're really into this girl and that's cool. You just have to play it cool. Follow my advice and if I haven't mentioned it already, I have to credit so much of my dating knowledge and success on one book, and that book is "The System" written by Doc Love. Just go to www.doclove.com to check him out. His book has by far the best and most sensible advice out there currently for men in the dating world, and it is specifically written for men from a man's perspective, which is rare for dating advice. Believe me when I say that I've read nearly all of the dating advice out there written for men and let me tell you, all it does is further confuse you as a man rather than help you. Order the book and change the way you look at dating and relationships forever.
Good luck my man and God speed!