General Dating Questions/Should I contact him


Greetings Dr. Neder,

I am recently dipping my toe in the dating pool after ending a live in relationship maybe 7 months ago. i am about to turn 50 but often attract the attention of younger men. This just happened the other night. I was out with friends and a very attractive man sent a drink over to me from across the bar. I laughingly told the bartender I would rather have had his phone number than the drink, and lo and behold, a few words to him from the bartender and I had his digits. I texted back a thanks with my name and a smiley wink so he would have my number too.  He texted me back and wondered when I would come over and talk to him, which I did. We chatted for a while, really nice chemistry, and I told him I should get back to my friends while he ate (he had ordered food, I already eaten earlier.)  We agreed to continue when he finished his meal, when my friends left. We did, and there were lots of sparks, really fun. We stayed til closing and got pretty busy in the car, no sex but....pretty busy.  He told me he wants to see me again, this was 2 nights ago, but I have not heard from him yet. Some of my friends think I should maintain radio silence and wait for him, but I have noticed that 35 year old men do things a bit differently from men closer to my age. I really enjoyed meeting him and I think we could have some fun together. I hate to force the issue if he is not really interested, but I would hate to play the demure hard to get game which is, after all, a stupid game, if I would be better off initiating some contact. Should I be patient for a few more days yet, or contact him?

many thanks for your advice


Hello "Allison" or "Alisan" or "Alice's Son"!

I certainly agree with you: playing hard to get simply doesn't work any more - unless you love being alone! In that case, it's a great move.

You should give him a few more days (2-3) but after that, you should text him. When you do, just say tell him who you are and that you'd love to hear from him. If he responds you have something to work with. If not, NEXT!!

The (sad?) reality is that most guys don't really know what they're doing with all of this. The drink thing is just one example - why didn't he just get up off his ass and go talk to you? Not only would that have been a better, more "classy" move, it just would have set things up much more clearly. However, against the odds, his dumb moved worked anyway.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Doctor of Philosophy

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