General Dating Questions/New boyfriend Vrs old boyfriend
Expert: Robert Lee - 2/3/2013
Question I was with my ex boyfriend for 6 years, he was amazing for first year and half but after i took alot of debt in my name i found out he was addicted to heroin and scripted to methadone. Weve had a unstable relationship for last couple of years were he took alot of money from me i couldnt afford as all debts in my name and i will have to go bancrupt, also he would sometime hit me for money and break things, and our sex life was none existent because of the heroin, all i wanted him to do was leave it alone but he never did. I had enough and kicked him out. At the same point my neighbour started talking to me and soon after i kicked out my ex we got togther at the start it was great but i moved in quickly as i could afford all bills and it became a bit rocky, he had been single along time and found it hard but since then he has become lovley and trys hard to be the perfect boyfriend. He is 9 years older and gives me the attention and affection i never got from my ex and a amazing sex life. We have been together 6 months all the time i have not be able to let go of my ex and still txt and meet up over dog. Now ive said to current boyfriend im not sure who i want to be with as ex wants me back. He is upset but doesnt want to lose me so is giving me space to make up my mind. I just cant make a choice. My ex is a little bit better looking and only a 3 year age gap. Both want to be with me and have kids etc. My ex has now left heroin alone for two weeks something he never has done before has he knows i will not go back to him otherwise. Im scared he will let me down, but scared with new boyfriend we wont have same type of love, sometimes it doesnt feel very exciting. I feel so torn, i feel my ex needs me to help him give up the drugs and we could get back what we had at start. But i know he will never be as caring and understanding as new guy.
Answer Hello Kelly and thank you for your question dear, "gee" you've been through a lot for such a young lady, I say young because an older one would usually know not to get into another relationship so fast after ending one of so long. You also must not have older sisters or a close family or they would have advised you of this as well. You sound very nice and intelligent but the best of folks make this mistake, for it is only time that tell us to do different, to hold back, to wait a bit to see what we really want in life. This saves us a lot of future trouble but it can also bring loneliness and possibly pain if one of the lovers finds another while we are making up our mind, this is why we try to avoid doing it, we do not want to be alone or to lose out. It is hard to take a break when you've had someone there when you woke up every morning and when you closed your eyes at night. It is sad, hard and lonely but it is unfortunately what you need to be fair to yourself and them. You can not be expected to make the right choice when you are being effected by both men. On the one hand I have worked in the drug rehab field and it is hard to break a dope habit in just six months, not saying he hasn't but I would seriously doubt it, on the other hand it looks like the other man has put you in a similar finance position as you are paying most of the bills, whether this is true or I got it wrong it matters not, you are still in a bad place mentally #stress wise#. I can tell you, you need some time under your belt to make a reasonable choice if kids are going to be placed into this, they deserve your best shot and you will be an example to them down the road in how you cope with choices, so you owe it to them to get it right.
I would not date either for a while, just take some time send be happy for a bit without men, prove to yourself you are whole on your own and do not need a man to complete you, then when you understand that a relationship should be more of a partnership you will understand better what to do. You need to take a break and breathe for a while, clear your head and write me again when you are rested from the craziness you find yourself in. Things will clear you'll see and the day will be a lot brighter.....good life...great loves...Robert lee
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People all share similiar dislikes and likes, they thrive on the same things, they are discouraged by the same things. She taught me to not see color in the way I conducted my life.
I have been a member of certain organizations that were designed to assist people in moments of crisis.
I can honestly say that any advice I give would be as unbiased as possible. Basically I just pass along things I have learned in life to other's in hopes that it will help them find peace. We do this by looking inside ourselves, learning to relate to other people, to sympathize with their pain and to truly try to help.
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I will try to answer questions in the following categories:
Abusive Relationships, Coping with Loneliness, Coping with Older/Younger Relationships, Dating at Midlife, Dealing with Crushes, Expressing Yourself to Others, General Dating Questions, How to Attract the Man of Your Dreams,
How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams, How to Breakup/Deal With Break Ups,
Deal With Cheaters, How to Deal with Jealousy, How to Deal with Parents Interfering with Your Relationships and more...
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