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General Dating Questions/I really like two girls and don't know what to do


QUESTION: I like these two girls and both seem to be showing signs of liking me back. I’ve liked girl 1 for almost a year and girl 2 for about 2 months. I’m not sure what to do.

Girl 1

I'm afraid that if I ask her out she will say no and the friendship will end which has happened before with my previous crushes. But I want to ask her out. I also have a gut feeling she likes me but I don't know if she actually likes me.

She wanted to know who I liked, I told her it was her and she was surprised but never said if she liked me back or not. Now she has been giving me signs that are confusing me, but my gut feeling says she likes me. I'm not sure what to do.

Signs she likes me

When I say hi to her, she says hi back, smiling, giggling and blushing.

She sometimes walks close to me with her shoulder touching mine

When she sits next to me, her leg or arm is touching mine.

She stretches her foot towards me and tries to touch my foot

Trusts me with her bag (currently in high school), money and phone

Stands close to me sometimes

seems comfortable next to me

Held/Grabbed my hand when she was drunk for about a minute comfortably

Her hand touches mine and instead of moving her hand away and saying sorry, she leaves her hand there.

Noticed her shoulders and feet face me

She stares at me sometimes

She sometimes leans towards me

Laughs randomly at things I say sometimes

She sometimes walks into me

When I went to the movies with her and a few friends, she was with me for most of the time. In the cinema it looked like she wanted to sit next to me, but due to one of the other friends in the group, she couldn't.

Signs she does not like me

She called me a creep. I kept my distance for about a week. During this time I noticed her stare at me a few times. After the week she called me a creep, she said sorry for what she did and started to show signs of liking me again.

She has a guy friend who she says she is only friends with and shows a few of the signs of liking me towards him. Due to this and her calling me a creep, it has avoided me from thinking that she likes me more than friends and me asking her out.

Girl 2

I’m starting to get a gut feeling that she likes me but I haven't told her that I like her.

Signs she likes me

She sometimes says hi to me first.

looks at me, but not much.

Her shoulders face me, or are open towards me.

She waved her hand at me in a flirty way. Opposite way of flicking her hand, and in a slower motion.

Called me popular to one of her friends.

I told a her that i'm interested in girls from a certain country. She says that she is not from that country. When I corrected myself saying that I like girls from the country i'm living in she smiled at me and looked really happy and started talking to her friends about something looking at me as I walked away.

No signs that she doesn't like me.

I had a gut feeling that girl 1 likes me, but now my gut feeling is also telling me that girl 2 likes me, but my gut feeling for girl 2 is getting stronger but I’m not sure what to do.

ANSWER: Hello Ben!

Girl 1:

First, what do you want here? Do you want her as a friend or as a girlfriend? You can't have both, so you're just going to have to pick a side. If you don't want to ruin the friendship then just forget her and focus on the other girl. You might even take advantage of your friendship to help you with girl 2.

Consider this however; what does "asking her out" mean? Of course, you and I know it's a date, but you don't have to define it that way. On the other hand you don't want to make it all about going out as "friends" or you're never going to get out of it. That's all your connection with her will ever be. You're well on your way to this happening if it hasn't happened already.

Unfortunately, you "outed" yourself with her. That's a huge mistake! You told her you were interested in her expecting that she'd just fawn all over you and say, "Oh Ben! I feel the same way!" It didn't happen, did it? It never, ever, EVER does!

In fact, you took away the exact tool you needed to turn this into something. You tried to give her your work so that you wouldn't have to take any bigger risks with her. She turned you down by not doing what you hoped and now you're in a very bad place - stuck squarely in the friend-zone.

You obviously think that to set up a date you first have to "out" yourself by telling her how you feel about her. Nothing is further from the truth. The key is to let her discover it and to make your interests the fabric of your connection with her. Women are all about subtlety and underlying messages. You've taken all that discover and mystery away from her and now have to work much, much harder to make something happen.

So, if you want something more with her you're just going to have to take all those risks you didn't want to take in the first place. Invite her out on a date. You don't have to give it a name, but it has to be more than just "hanging out" and absolutely must not involve any other friends - just her and you. Further, you need to kiss this girl already! Make this something or accept that it's nothing. There's no middle ground where you "win" here.

Girl 2:

You're working too hard looking for signs of attraction from her. What you don't know is that; as long as you have interest (which you obviously do) you can create attraction.

Most guys wait until they have some sure signals of attraction. The problem is; you never get them! You need to learn to BUILD attraction instead. (You did this with girl 1 and look where you are now!)

You do that by being engaging with her and not waiting around for some sure-thing. You won't get it no matter how hard you want to. So, instead, invite her out on a date and (like girl 1) kiss her. Treat her like the girlfriend you want her to become.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: So what your trying to say is to forget about girl 1 & show interest for girl 2.

But for me to show interest on her I have to talk to her and be with her.

The only problem is i'm too nervous to be with her, I feel that she doesn't find me good enough.

I agree that i've blown it with girl 1, I feel that I should go for girl 2, so...

Can you just tell me if this is what you mean.

Thank you for your help so far.

ANSWER: Hello again Ben!

Yes, I think you've already blown it with girl 1. The probability of turning this into something more than a friendship now is very, very low. Girl 2 is a better option as long as you don't make the same mistakes with her.

You're "too nervous"? Ok, that makes it easier. Then, do nothing. Let some other guy that isn't "too nervous" go talk to her and start dating her. Then, you don't have to risk your little ego getting bruised.

Ben, come on here. Is that really the way you want to live your life - by being scared and not going for what you want? I want better for you, but YOU have to want it. Further, it's not your job to decide for her if you're "good enough" or not. That's her job to decide. It's YOUR job to give her the choice!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you so much. Just one last question. Do you think I should tell girl 2 her I like her or do you think that will freak her out?

Hey Ben!

Did you bother to actually read what I wrote to you, or, are you asking everyone you can find on this board and getting confused because everyone is telling you something different?


Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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