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General Dating Questions/Found the woman of my dreams after 4 years apart. Need a creative idea for my problem


Dear Mr Hurst,

My name is Ryan and i live in Germany. I have recently finished university and i found work in Japan (away from Tokyo. I'm not too keen on otaku/anime culture). However, when i was packing my things, ready to go, i found an old love letter from my girlfriend from school. I remember her saying that she was going to study in a Japanese university to be with her parents (she's east asian) and she stopped communicating with me as a long distance relationship didn't really work (we tried for a few months).

So, i e-mailed a few of her old school friends, asked around with a number of people and found out which university and campus she went to. All i need to do now is meet her and sweep her off her feet again (she's an incredibly beautiful woman). But how am i meant to do so?
I can't exactly walk up to her campus, say hello to a girl i haven't seen for 4 years (we're both 22 now) and tell her i tracked her down to the university she goes to; she'll think i'm a psycho freak. I need a way of winning her heart that doesn't look like i've been planning all this all along, but fate has been extra kind.

P.s. i'm quite sure she wouldn't recognise me, so i could use my japanese name first and reveal myself with my true name later. I don't know.

She doesn't have a boyfriend, especially because it takes a lot to impress a girl like her

Yours sincerely,


There are a few options here.

You could just walk right up to her and say hi out of the blue, however if you have to go out of your way to make it happen then it might seem like too much. Grand gestures sometimes work in the movies but in real-life they stand a high risk of backfiring and putting too much pressure on the situation and making you look desperate. So I think you are right not to try and track her down for a planned "chance" meeting in person.

Why not respond with the actual truth, and send her an email / Facebook message, etc. saying something like "I am back in Japan after finishing college and I'd like to meet you, talk and catch up a little?" Keep the conversation light without lots of pressure and expectations and give it a chance to see if the chemistry is still there.

I would caution against assuming that she is unobtainable and that you have to do something extra special in order to win her over, rather than just be who you are.  People change and you can't always just pick up where you left off before, however maybe something can develop if both of you can relax and be the people you really are.  

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Michael Hurst


I can answer almost all questions related to dating and sexuality including the nuts and bolts of particular situations and specific communication skills as well as questions related to self-image and self-development. However most of my work has been with men, singles and those newly single or divorced, to get very rapid results starting with specific actionable tactics while also applying powerful techniques from NLP and hypnosis for rapid personal change. I don't specialize in working with those already in long-term relationship dynamics or marriage however I have also continued to give advice and support to my single clients as they move into relationships. It has been my experience that the most powerful results come from focusing on who you want to become as a person, then you will more naturally attract the types of relationships that you want rather than having to try to force them. I believe that most people's frustrations come from when they are trying to force a situation to get what they think they want when it is not completely aligned with their system of beliefs. While I believe in the role of self-development my strongest selling point has been to get specific, measurable results quickly using applied psychology. Ultimately nothing is more motivating and empowering than being able to quickly make noticeable changes in the way you interact with other people.


I am an author, dating coach and speaker based in the Washington, DC area. I've been involved in the industry since 1999 and as a professional dating coach since 2008. I have taught thousands of clients through seminars, speaking appearances and in-person coaching sessions. My coaching goes beyond just knowing what to do or say in a particular situation, by teaching how to become the person who is naturally attractive. I have training in Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) and hypnosis. I am the author of the book "Become That Guy: Become Irresistibly Attractive" (2010, AuthorHouse) a book which offers specific actionable exercises that you can use to address the root causes of common challenges such as confidence and interpersonal communication skills. I am also the author of "Pickup: Real Life Adventures of Seduction" and the creator of the hypnosis CD, "Be Irresistibly Attractive," which gives you the ability to rapidly develop and use the ideal skills and frame of mind to present your best self to the world. I will also be featured in a chapter in an upcoming book "Mastering the Art of Success" alongside "Chicken Soup for the Soul" authors Mark Victor Hansen and Jack Canfield, the subject of a documentary first released at the portfolio show for Art Institute of Washington graduates in 2012. I have also been a presenter at the world dating summit in Los Angeles 2010 and 2011, the Global men's dating summit in 2011, 12 and 13 in Washington, DC and the National Divorce eSummit in 2012 I currently offer several different seminars ranging from evenings to weekend long seminars on topics including online dating, text messaging, conversational skills to build chemistry and attraction and more. I offer coaching by phone through one-on-one phone calls, in-person "infield" coaching where we meet people in real-life settings as well as a comprehensive coaching program.

Bachelor in Political Science, American University, training in Neurolinguistic Programming starting in 1999, hypnotherapy and various sales methods including the Sandler Sales Institute. In addition to that I have taken trainings with many leaders in my field including Ross Jeffries (Paul Ross), David Shade, Brad P, Mehow, Jonathan Altfeld and many others.

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