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General Dating Questions/Is there any hope at this point?


So I started talking to this guy and long story short.. one thing led to another and now we love each other and we ended up getting in a relationship.. we talk everyday we know each others weaknessess and strengths and accept them.. he's never dissrespected me by asking me to do anything sexual or send him anything innapropriate..we talked about our future together and he's said how he wants me as his future wife and mother of his children. And I'm always on his mind Because he always textes and calls me first. He said he doesn't want to ever let me go because I'm decent I have respect for myself I'm honest smart etc. The only flaw is that he lied to me about him seeing anyone else and then I found out he had been dating this girl fur tha past 6 or 7 months. When I confronted him about it first he got mad at me Because he knew I was in the right and he just got caught but after he finally admitted to cheating on her for me because he said his plan was to eventually break up with her for me because he would like to actually settle down with me and that he doesn't love her at all he just played her.. and I should tell her that he doesn't like her anymore and that its over(he doesn't want to Because jus recently he told her how much he loved her and would never cheat on her and they will last forever etc. Which according to him everything he said he didn't mean and he also said some pretty ugly things about her to me) I haven't told her yet and I don't know how I would go about doing it.. anyways.. now we are both single and were OK with that but we still love each other(or so I think he does) and we still talk about our future together and he still textes and calls me first.. and he agreed to being honest with me 100% of the time from here on out but I feel like I still can't trust him.. he said he wouldn't go after any other girl and do me like he did his other girlfriend bt I don't know if I wana believe that. We still act like were in a relationship but we know were both single.. but we agreed on being best friends/lovers.. is this bad idea? Is he using me? ..should we stick to being just friends? :/

Ok, there are a couple of things that sound very not quite right here and should be major deal-breakers for almost anyone.

Major deal breaker #1: The "only flaw" that he was seeing someone else while making it appear that he was just seeing you should be major deal. How can you trust anything he says after that. You are the one he is playing by stringing you with flattery and the expectation that you can expect anything from him. At least a guy who says he is not looking for a relationship right now but is interested in sex is honest, this guy is a slime ball.

Also what do you mean "never disrespected me by asking to do anything sexual?"  Do you believe that having sex with your partner in what you have been led to believe is a committed relationship where you each say you love each other and talk about the future is wrong?  I think most people in our society expect that in a committed relationship unless each person has philosophical or religious reasons to wait until marriage that they have made clear to their partner. The fact that the guy was apparently not looking for sex should have been a red flag. Based on what I know about men, I'm puzzled that all of these emotional conversations occurred when the relationship has not turned sexual.  

Major deal breaker #2: He wants you to talk to the other woman. No no no, you aren't seriously considering going to do his dirty work for him to break it off with the girl he was cheating on, are you? From what you have said he told you he was a lying slime ball who played with her emotions too, he was two-timing both of you, saying he loved both of you, except he was actually banging the other chick and talking smack about you behind your back to her.  She probably thinks you are the bad one, so now he is trying to play the two of you against each other. Don't allow yourself to be manipulated like that.

Yes, he is using you and has been using you AND the other woman. Run, don't walk away from this man, cut off all communication with him and NEVER, EVER, trust anything he says again, in fact don't even respond to it. This man is not a friend, he is a pathological liar looking to have his cake and eat it too - the feeling of stability and emotional support from a relationship along with the ability to continue to date whomever else he wants and jump ship to that person if he likes them better OR enjoy the benefits of both by lying to both women or maybe even more  women.

Insist for yourself that you deserve better from a man. If you have religious or philosophical reasons for waiting to have sex until marriage with a man I suggest you find men to date who have similar beliefs, perhaps through a religious group or other social organization that caters to people who believe they should wait to have sex.  

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Michael Hurst


I can answer almost all questions related to dating and sexuality including the nuts and bolts of particular situations and specific communication skills as well as questions related to self-image and self-development. However most of my work has been with men, singles and those newly single or divorced, to get very rapid results starting with specific actionable tactics while also applying powerful techniques from NLP and hypnosis for rapid personal change. I don't specialize in working with those already in long-term relationship dynamics or marriage however I have also continued to give advice and support to my single clients as they move into relationships. It has been my experience that the most powerful results come from focusing on who you want to become as a person, then you will more naturally attract the types of relationships that you want rather than having to try to force them. I believe that most people's frustrations come from when they are trying to force a situation to get what they think they want when it is not completely aligned with their system of beliefs. While I believe in the role of self-development my strongest selling point has been to get specific, measurable results quickly using applied psychology. Ultimately nothing is more motivating and empowering than being able to quickly make noticeable changes in the way you interact with other people.


I am an author, dating coach and speaker based in the Washington, DC area. I've been involved in the industry since 1999 and as a professional dating coach since 2008. I have taught thousands of clients through seminars, speaking appearances and in-person coaching sessions. My coaching goes beyond just knowing what to do or say in a particular situation, by teaching how to become the person who is naturally attractive. I have training in Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) and hypnosis. I am the author of the book "Become That Guy: Become Irresistibly Attractive" (2010, AuthorHouse) a book which offers specific actionable exercises that you can use to address the root causes of common challenges such as confidence and interpersonal communication skills. I am also the author of "Pickup: Real Life Adventures of Seduction" and the creator of the hypnosis CD, "Be Irresistibly Attractive," which gives you the ability to rapidly develop and use the ideal skills and frame of mind to present your best self to the world. I will also be featured in a chapter in an upcoming book "Mastering the Art of Success" alongside "Chicken Soup for the Soul" authors Mark Victor Hansen and Jack Canfield, the subject of a documentary first released at the portfolio show for Art Institute of Washington graduates in 2012. I have also been a presenter at the world dating summit in Los Angeles 2010 and 2011, the Global men's dating summit in 2011, 12 and 13 in Washington, DC and the National Divorce eSummit in 2012 I currently offer several different seminars ranging from evenings to weekend long seminars on topics including online dating, text messaging, conversational skills to build chemistry and attraction and more. I offer coaching by phone through one-on-one phone calls, in-person "infield" coaching where we meet people in real-life settings as well as a comprehensive coaching program.

Bachelor in Political Science, American University, training in Neurolinguistic Programming starting in 1999, hypnotherapy and various sales methods including the Sandler Sales Institute. In addition to that I have taken trainings with many leaders in my field including Ross Jeffries (Paul Ross), David Shade, Brad P, Mehow, Jonathan Altfeld and many others.

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