General Dating Questions/Jealousy in Long Distance Relationship
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year and things have been great except for one thing; He hangs out with another girl 3-4 days a week. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship where we only see each other once a month. He'd been friends with this other girl long before I knew him and dated him. They have never been romantically involved or anything of that matter and his friends tell me that he doesn't see her like that anyway. The thing is I get so jealous when they hang out because they hang out so often and sometimes he doesn't tell me when they do and I find out from facebook or twitter.I always worry he will cheat on me with her because she is very pretty. It's frustrating because I'm pushing him away with my insecurities. I don't want to tell him not to hang out with his friend, but on the other hand my jealousy keeps getting the best of me. She seems like a nice girl from when I met her and even invited us to go to the movies when i was visiting him. My boyfriend is getting so frustrated with me because he thinks I don't trust him. I don't know what to do!
Welcome to the wonderful world of long-distance relationships! ("LDR's")
Jenny, here's a fact: LDR's NEVER work out. You're just experiencing the tip of the iceberg here. There are tons of additional problems you're going to start seeing and this insecurity issue is just one of them.
Think about this: how could you possibly "trust him"? You can't be there to verify anything! They're spending all their quality time together - without you. Don't you think there's some attraction for at least one of them with the other? I'll bet there is.
If you were local to each other this could be solved very easily. The only way to fix things for you being at a distance is for you simply not to care. Is that really the sort of "relationship" you want to have? Frankly, I'd want better for you.
As to your boyfriend getting frustrated with you, that's entirely his problem. It's based on the fact that you're both at a distance and again, there's no solution other than to simply not care.
Jenny, stop and think about this for a minute.
How many guys have you passed that live right there in your own backyard that you could have had a REAL relationship with during the last year you've wasted? How many perfect guys are all around you and here you are fretting over this ridiculous situation you can do absolutely nothing about?
What are you going to do, move? Let me tell you what would happen if you did: you'd discover that he's not the guy you think he is. You've spent the last year building up an idea in your own mind that isn't accurate anyway because of all these huge gaps. Your brain is designed to deal with things differently than the way technology has provided. All those gaps are loaded not with any sort of "reality" about him, your relationship, what he's doing or not doing, etc. They are full of your own beliefs instead.
Even worse, how is any real guy ever going to live up to that fantasy you've created? Answer: they won't. You're doing a ton of harm to yourself, to him and to this relationship that you're simply not going to be able to solve unless you just give it all up and stop wanting what you think you have. When that happens, you'll wind up being stuck in something that is a waste of everyone's time, emotion and energy.
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”