General Dating Questions/Mixed Signals


QUESTION: Hello Michael.

I met a woman in my nursing assistant class in college and the course is designed for a one month duration. Just a couple of weeks ago, we exchanged cell phone numbers and email addresses to help form a study group, and now we are practically communicating both while we are in class, and by texting when we are at home. Yesterday, after class, she asked me what religion I am and I said that I am a "Jew for Jesus" and she was thrilled because so was she! She invited me to her church and wants to introduce me to a friend of hers. And then she asked me my age and I said 39. She told me that she is 20 and she doesn't feel comfortable dating men beyond age 26. I asked her if she was still interested in me and she said that all she did was invite me to her church as a friend and she didn't want to give me the wrong impression.

I really like this woman because she is very nice and sweet, and her shyness and timidness makes her even more endearing, but I must admit that I am somewhat puzzled by all this because why would she ask me what religion I am, considering that it is a rather person question? Also, why would she invite me to her church and then say that she only considers me a friend and nothing more? And I have to face her again on Monday and I don't want to create an awkward situation. I feel like I'm getting mixed signals here. Did I missed something?




I think she was just being friendly, young and somewhat flighty which is normal for a 20 year old.  I think it is quite possible she likes you as a friend, but 39 and 20 is a huge age gap. Although certainly the I think she was pretty clear in her communication when she said she isn't interested in dating men beyond age 26 as a way of saying she isn't interested in dating you, although it is also probably the truth.

Since she asked your religion like she did, I think she may also have been actively recruiting for her church and/or looking to introduce you to a woman in her church she thought you might like.  It seems a little awkward was when she asked your age out of the blue like that and then told you "she doesn't feel comfortable men beyond age 26." However she already should have realized that you older than age 26. She might have done this because she got a feeling that you were interested in her a bit more than she was into you and wanted an indirect way to hint that she was not interested in dating you, while also gathering information to pass along to the woman she wanted to set you up with.

For you to not have it be awkward, just act like nothing happened, and accept that she is 20 years old and wants to date men closer to her age. If you handle this with grace you might expand your social network through the church and nurses in a way that will lead you to meet women who are interested in dating you.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hello again, Michael.

I was thinking of trying out a new strategy for next week when I will see her again in class on Monday: if I see her, I will be polite by saying "hello" to her when I see her in the morning and "goodbye" to her when class is over, and I will do that until Thursday because that is our last day of class and that's it. I have to do is wait for her to make the next move.

What do you think of my strategy?


Sounds like a plan, just be polite and not overly intrusive. Did you ever go to her church? I don't think she was trying to be mean or rude or anything else like that. Although I can see how you might have been a little miffed if it seemed like she was making it clear she wasn't interested in dating you, when you had not asked her out.  Remember she is young and has probably had to deal with her share of situations before where men misinterpreted her friendliness as being more than just that.  

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Michael Hurst


I can answer almost all questions related to dating and sexuality including the nuts and bolts of particular situations and specific communication skills as well as questions related to self-image and self-development. However most of my work has been with men, singles and those newly single or divorced, to get very rapid results starting with specific actionable tactics while also applying powerful techniques from NLP and hypnosis for rapid personal change. I don't specialize in working with those already in long-term relationship dynamics or marriage however I have also continued to give advice and support to my single clients as they move into relationships. It has been my experience that the most powerful results come from focusing on who you want to become as a person, then you will more naturally attract the types of relationships that you want rather than having to try to force them. I believe that most people's frustrations come from when they are trying to force a situation to get what they think they want when it is not completely aligned with their system of beliefs. While I believe in the role of self-development my strongest selling point has been to get specific, measurable results quickly using applied psychology. Ultimately nothing is more motivating and empowering than being able to quickly make noticeable changes in the way you interact with other people.


I am an author, dating coach and speaker based in the Washington, DC area. I've been involved in the industry since 1999 and as a professional dating coach since 2008. I have taught thousands of clients through seminars, speaking appearances and in-person coaching sessions. My coaching goes beyond just knowing what to do or say in a particular situation, by teaching how to become the person who is naturally attractive. I have training in Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) and hypnosis. I am the author of the book "Become That Guy: Become Irresistibly Attractive" (2010, AuthorHouse) a book which offers specific actionable exercises that you can use to address the root causes of common challenges such as confidence and interpersonal communication skills. I am also the author of "Pickup: Real Life Adventures of Seduction" and the creator of the hypnosis CD, "Be Irresistibly Attractive," which gives you the ability to rapidly develop and use the ideal skills and frame of mind to present your best self to the world. I will also be featured in a chapter in an upcoming book "Mastering the Art of Success" alongside "Chicken Soup for the Soul" authors Mark Victor Hansen and Jack Canfield, the subject of a documentary first released at the portfolio show for Art Institute of Washington graduates in 2012. I have also been a presenter at the world dating summit in Los Angeles 2010 and 2011, the Global men's dating summit in 2011, 12 and 13 in Washington, DC and the National Divorce eSummit in 2012 I currently offer several different seminars ranging from evenings to weekend long seminars on topics including online dating, text messaging, conversational skills to build chemistry and attraction and more. I offer coaching by phone through one-on-one phone calls, in-person "infield" coaching where we meet people in real-life settings as well as a comprehensive coaching program.

Bachelor in Political Science, American University, training in Neurolinguistic Programming starting in 1999, hypnotherapy and various sales methods including the Sandler Sales Institute. In addition to that I have taken trainings with many leaders in my field including Ross Jeffries (Paul Ross), David Shade, Brad P, Mehow, Jonathan Altfeld and many others.

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