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General Dating Questions/taylor swift and ladies who dont put out


Hey Dr Neder. You have most likely heard of Taylor Swift the singer. I read some gossip about her recently that said her boyfriend Harry Styles dumped her after 2 months because she is 'asexual' and 'wouldnt put out'. I think she has had about 5 boyfriends in the past 3 years. None of those relationships lasted very long. I was wondering what your thoughts are regarding the situation with her? If the guys keep dumping her then it must be her fault. Usually its the guy who gets blamed when celebrity relationships break down. I just think its funny that Taylor apparently thinks that if she puts out then her fans would disown her. I think most people would actually find it stranger that she doesnt want to have sex with any of the guys she dates. Also do you have any thoughts on ladies playing hard to get?

Hello Rob!

Yes, Of course I've heard of Taylor Swift.

Let's talk about this point first: you can't use any celebrity - or anything you read, hear or see about them - as any sort of workable information for your own life. Everything piece of information you get about celebrities is very carefully crafted by their publicity staff. They work very hard and spend tons of money to custom-craft a persona.

The fact is, nobody knows what really happened in any of her relationships. Her publicity people make sure that any "spin" helps move her career forward. Further, that spin doesn't have to be good either. It's just as valuable to have bad spin as good.

However, coming back to real life, if any woman thinks that she can get a keep a guy around and interested for any amount of time while turning off sex, she's living in just as much fantasy as Taylor Swift's relationship history.

You see, men don't even have the ability to know if a woman is someone they can connect with emotionally until AFTER they've had sex with her. It's only after that 800 lb (363 kilos for you Brits) gorilla is out of the room that we can begin to deal with the complicated emotional elements in relationships.

Even more important, women have a very real time-limit in which to do that. That "window of opportunity" doesn't last very long - certainly not months and months - and once the window is closed, she'll never have access to that man's heart again.

Your last question about playing hard-to-get is a huge one that I've written a ton about. Check out these articles on my website for much more on this: (Note: requires free registration to read - but worth it):

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Doctor of Philosophy

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