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General Dating Questions/what going on in there?


QUESTION: It all began when we were introduced via facebook through my brother. I messaged him first and he texted back with lots of smileys and with very bubbly enthusiasm. He seemed more than excited to meet up. However when we did meet the 1st time ever, he couldn't even look at me, he never even spoke to me. He'd only reply briefly to a question I'd ask every now and then. Then later on as the days went by and we met up more frequently (not on dates, but he stayed at my brother place on vacation), he became more relaxed and was able to look at me and initiate brief convo. Later he'd always go to his room and he'd stay there like he always usually does, away from the rest of us in his own little world. Inorder to test the water even better, the next day all of us went out in a group, I tried appearing more physically appealing. If anything, it didn't change his behavior one bit. He never stared, and always walked 5 steps away from us.

(a brief note: his 3 siblings have told me how he was always the shy quiet child playing alone when they were kids. They said he had a shell and it needed time to break down. And he's only ever had 1 girlfriend his entire life, that too was because the girl begged him, they say)

So then he left back to his home town and I tried to occasionally keep in touch through fb. He'd be nice with smiley faces and a few sentences, but whenever I felt he was comfortable enough with me and I tried asking simple things to get to know him as a person like hobbies and things, he wouldn't reply and he'd just ignore my messages. I thought to myself, 'I'm always the one initiating and no matter what I do, he won't open up. I give up. He's not interested'. Then just a week ago I saw him online on fb and I said hi. He was happy to hear from me (as always when he talks) and asked me many questions about my uni. He made the effort to keep the conversation going and then left again..

Basically, I don't know what's going on. A big part of me tells me he's not interested. but if that's the case, why does he even bother having a conversation anyway?  SOMEONE PLEASE tell me what on earth is going on inside his head???

ANSWER: You answered your own question when you said 'I'm always the one initiating and no matter what I do, he won't open up. I give up. He's not interested'.

He's just not that into you and any efforts to be polite are because he is your brother's friend and it would be rude of him to not be polite since he was introduced to you in this way. At the same time it could also be that this guy is not very social or just not that into women in general. In my experience most women love a challenge, however at some point once you have made it clear that you are interested let it go and move on.

At the same time, you say you are at university where there are many people you can meet. By obsessing over this out-of-town guy who is not interested in you, you are directing your energy away from developing friendships and possible relationships.  Have you considered why you are doing this to yourself? Maybe you are using this crush because you are afraid to have a real relationship where you could get hurt?  

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you very much for taking the time to respond to this. To be honest, I have tried looking around in my university. There were 2 guys I liked, both of whom appeared uninterested, so I got the hint and stopped pursuing. And there are also 2 other guys at uni currently pursuing me whom I did initially show interest in, that is, before i found out one was married and the other has a girlfriend.
Nothing works for me, it's either disinterest from their side or from my side. I've never met someone who made me feel it was mutual AND YET was single at the same time :( This has been the case for a looong time now lol, I have never had a boyfriend... I guess that's why I keep giving this guy chances. But I know, I should look elsewhere, but where? There's no one around :(

I can't really give the answer to "there's no one around" other than to consider online dating or consider if there are other things to address when it comes to your frame of mind and general ways to get out there and build a network of people. Activities where you can meet people and through friends of friends are some of the most common ways, so build those up and the other relationships should follow.  

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Michael Hurst


I can answer almost all questions related to dating and sexuality including the nuts and bolts of particular situations and specific communication skills as well as questions related to self-image and self-development. However most of my work has been with men, singles and those newly single or divorced, to get very rapid results starting with specific actionable tactics while also applying powerful techniques from NLP and hypnosis for rapid personal change. I don't specialize in working with those already in long-term relationship dynamics or marriage however I have also continued to give advice and support to my single clients as they move into relationships. It has been my experience that the most powerful results come from focusing on who you want to become as a person, then you will more naturally attract the types of relationships that you want rather than having to try to force them. I believe that most people's frustrations come from when they are trying to force a situation to get what they think they want when it is not completely aligned with their system of beliefs. While I believe in the role of self-development my strongest selling point has been to get specific, measurable results quickly using applied psychology. Ultimately nothing is more motivating and empowering than being able to quickly make noticeable changes in the way you interact with other people.


I am an author, dating coach and speaker based in the Washington, DC area. I've been involved in the industry since 1999 and as a professional dating coach since 2008. I have taught thousands of clients through seminars, speaking appearances and in-person coaching sessions. My coaching goes beyond just knowing what to do or say in a particular situation, by teaching how to become the person who is naturally attractive. I have training in Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) and hypnosis. I am the author of the book "Become That Guy: Become Irresistibly Attractive" (2010, AuthorHouse) a book which offers specific actionable exercises that you can use to address the root causes of common challenges such as confidence and interpersonal communication skills. I am also the author of "Pickup: Real Life Adventures of Seduction" and the creator of the hypnosis CD, "Be Irresistibly Attractive," which gives you the ability to rapidly develop and use the ideal skills and frame of mind to present your best self to the world. I will also be featured in a chapter in an upcoming book "Mastering the Art of Success" alongside "Chicken Soup for the Soul" authors Mark Victor Hansen and Jack Canfield, the subject of a documentary first released at the portfolio show for Art Institute of Washington graduates in 2012. I have also been a presenter at the world dating summit in Los Angeles 2010 and 2011, the Global men's dating summit in 2011, 12 and 13 in Washington, DC and the National Divorce eSummit in 2012 I currently offer several different seminars ranging from evenings to weekend long seminars on topics including online dating, text messaging, conversational skills to build chemistry and attraction and more. I offer coaching by phone through one-on-one phone calls, in-person "infield" coaching where we meet people in real-life settings as well as a comprehensive coaching program.

Bachelor in Political Science, American University, training in Neurolinguistic Programming starting in 1999, hypnotherapy and various sales methods including the Sandler Sales Institute. In addition to that I have taken trainings with many leaders in my field including Ross Jeffries (Paul Ross), David Shade, Brad P, Mehow, Jonathan Altfeld and many others.

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