General Dating Questions/Advise/Suggestion


Hi ,

We had been dating for 2 years and on the whole appeared to be a good match. However during that time, she was very insecure and would often check through my phone, for calls made and messages and at times accuse me of chatting to other woman/cheating (which was never the case). In hindsight, I guess I was partly to blame because I did not do enough to make her feel secure. Also I did not express my feelings often enough.

We had long discussions about the breakup in our relationship and she is still adamant that I did wrong. No matter what I say does not change her point of view.

Over a year has elapsed and we have remained friends. We still chat/bbm almost every day and spend time together doing activities on some weekends. But beyond that she does not want a relationship or to get back together.

The difficulty I have is that the breakup is based on her incorrect perceptions. If I had cheated, it would have been easier to accept the breakup because there would be a valid reason.

I would like to heal our relationship but unsure how to go about it. Your comments/suggestions on the way forward will be appreciated.

Hello Dev!

Here's the reality: the breakup wasn't due to her belief you were cheating. That was simply the excuse she used to break up with you. Thus, you're chasing the wrong thing here.

Obviously, I don't know why she really broke up with you. Only she knows that. However, still hanging out with her as a "friend" is absolutely hurting any chance of fixing this! If she never misses you or feels she may be losing you when does she have the motivation to reconsider your relationship?

I suggest this is the time to get scarce. Stop communicating with her. Stop hanging out with her on weekends and go meet some other girls. Once she begins to believe she may have lost you (not just the other way around) you'll then might have a chance with her again.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Doctor of Philosophy

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