General Dating Questions/asking out

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QUESTION: Hi Dennis!
I sometimes times have these moments where I think I'm going crazy. Tell me if this is one of them. Last week my house was broken into and 2 officers responded to the call. I got to know one of them a little bit while he was there. He seems cool and interesting so I wanted to ask him out. Is that a terrible idea? I mean, in theory this behavior could result in some sort of citation, right? And there could be a clause The in his contract against it. The only contact I have for him is his work email. I am a little concerned this will come across as totally crazy, clingy and desperate because I've only met him once and it's already been a week. He was cute and he seemed interesting that's all. How can I say it in a way that is sweet and relaxed? I eagerly await your feedback.

ANSWER: Hello Sydney!

First of all, there's absolutely nothing wrong with asking a cop - or anyone for that matter - "out" if you're interested in them. There's no law or ordinance or regulation that I'm aware of preventing an officer from dating a victim. How would you even regulate such a thing?

The obvious exception to that would be to use their "color of authority" to force someone to do something they don't want but that's not at all what's going on here.

Further, approaching him isn't going to come off as "crazy" or "clingy" or "desperate" at all (provided you don't actually act like those things!) Women are always afraid of that when in fact guys simply don't think that way.

It's be better if you could talk to him on the phone or in person but at least you have some contact information. Considering that this is his work email however you need to be a little careful. I'm sure his department has rules against using the station's resources for personal business.

Here's what I'd suggest you do:

Write to his email and simply say, "Thank you again for helping me with my break-in last week. I'm sure you understand better than most how invasive that is. I also appreciate that you and your partner were very professional. Maybe we'll run into each other again on better circumstances in the future."

Then, sign your name and include your phone number!

If he's interested he'll call you.

One other option is to write his boss a short letter of appreciation for the two officer's help. Be sure to include both of them of course.

Then, go to the station with 3 copies. One for his supervisor thanking the department for the help and mentioning specific things they did. Be sure to include your name and phone number.

Then, give one to the supervisor and a copy to each officer. Again, he'll definitely have your number again and if he seems receptive, this is a chance to invite him out for a drink.

Good luck!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Ok! I feel better now. I thought there might be a clause in his contract disallowing it. That is what my sister said; she works in emergency services and dating their patients is not allowed in their company. He already has my number from the police report, but I dunno maybe it's supposed to be confidential or something. I will try your email idea. I could go to the police station, but I'm not sure which one I'd go to (I actually don't even know where any of them are) or how to find out who his supervisor is or his partner's name. Ideas?

Answer
Hello again Sydney!

Your police report should have the station's information. If not, call the number on it and ask them which station helped you by the case number.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

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I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

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I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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Doctor of Philosophy

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