General Dating Questions/Is she interested?
QUESTION: Hello just recently I returned from a conference for an organization I am with. It was on the third day of this conference in where we had a guest speaker who was to be with us for the remaining two days of the conference. Upon her arrival I was told by a close friend of mine that he thought it would best for me to talk to her as he knew her previously. I ended up doing this the next day after her presentation, which was based around some of the same things I am interested in. We did set up a time to talk afterwards and we had a great conversation. I pretty much let her talk about her story and her accomplishments as I always heard itís better to let her talk rather than have the guy do most of talking. She also gave me career advice as well. Later that night we were with the group for a game of cards and we sat next to each other and talked about stuff we both were interested in as the game went on. I believe we hit it off very well as we had the same ideas and interest on numerous subjects such as movies, music, and life in general. It was also revealed while we live in separate cities that we both had a hard time meeting people and we talked about how that affected us. She is a year older than me as Iím 28 and her 29. She spoke about her 30 before 30 lists and it seemed to show how much we appreciate life in general as I am a big fan of having a bucket list. I even gave her suggestions for it, which she was open to. I would say our conversation over the game of cards went no longer than 3 hours. She also helped me in the game as well and assisted me in keeping tally of my score after each round of the card game. Not once did we ever differ on anything. While I am no expert on the signs that a girl shows when she is interested in a guy, I did notice she kept making eye contact, sitting next to me, sharing back in our conversation in a friendly manner, and she kept touching her hair and I heard all those are signs that a girl is interested in guy. After the game was over for the evening, she gave me her business card that contained all her contact information and she told me she would like mine as well. Well the next day came and as the group gathered for the final activity she approached me to make sure I would give her my contact information as well. I did give her my contact information and she was very excited to receive it. We told each other we would be in contact. Now here is what I see as the hard part. We live in different cities, but I believe that could change over time, but for now we are in separate cities. We both spoke about how we have a hard time meeting people, which helped us connect I believe. However, I admit to being confused to all this and I would like to know if this could mean something. We both have an optimistic outlook on life, which may also help. Does this mean something? How should I go about staying in touch with her? Then again, I admit this is all just speculation so your input would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
ANSWER: Hi Jim,
well you're definitely right on her being interested. Not only do the signs of her physical body language show that she is interested in what is happening, but she is also going out with you, which is a clear and vital indication. While I believe that long distance relationships can be tricky, if either of you are willing to relocate for a significant other, then there really is no problem here. I would contact her, get this relationship going and if you see there is a great connection here then my next big advice would be to talk about the overall expectations of a relationship and if she would be willing to move and share your ideas on the matter as well. If you two find that not only are either of you unable to make those changes then already we have a red flag. As well, just because you two may be not conflicting now, this could all change the moment you two get married. People aren't themselves on dates, actions mirrored, people do and say things they may normally not do in a general, normal "platonic" setting.
The fact that you two are both optimistic is a good starting point because it allows the both of you to have more or less the same outlooks on life. Stay in touch with her via phone and e-mail. Talk to her and see where she's standing. If you two are developing something, visits are also completely welcomed and if you find this to be getting more serious each time, my advice is to get on the track of asking about the future, without scaring her, since in today's day and age, being committed and responsible for yourself is a HUGE deal.
Good luck & G-d Bless.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thank you for the information as it's very helpful. I did send her an e-mail to follow up and I was wondering on would happen if I never get a response. I know she works 7 days a week so it could take a little longer than expected. However, could there be a chance I may have misread something? I would say no, but I wanted to check. Based on how it all went I can't imagine her not responding. I would like to say something could very well develop, but how can I do that without scaring her? Thank you for the advice.
Jim! By the sound of your follow-up, to me, you don't sound confident!!! And here I am all the way in Canada just reading. Now, I don't mean to offend you in any way possible, but you have to stay confident and strong during the dating process. Otherwise, a woman might smell it on you and she may walk away, not wanting to be in charge in the relationship, or simply just get turned off. You seem like you've read the signs right. She likes you and you like her. If she never responds, you have to remember it was her loss or, you two are just not meant to be. Don't internalize it and don't get worked up over it. This is what dating is all about. Losses and that ONE gain. Maybe rearrange the perspective in order for you to feel the depth and intricacy there is in dating. The way I see it is, if someone is not for me, ALL THE BETTER. Why? Because then I'm getting closer to the one I AM supposed to be with, not wasting my time with someone I am not. That's even scarier.
If she works often and doesn't have the "time", parse, then she isn't the right woman for you; if she doesn't respond, she is not the right one from you. Take all of these indications they are coming from the universe and the world is trying to help you form into the person you are trying to be and the person you are supposed to spend that time with.