General Dating Questions/trying to grieve and move on from heart-break and rejection.
I'm unsure if this is the right spot to ask this but here goes
I'm trying to grieve and move on from heart-break and rejection.
I would like to know how I can move on from a sudden situation that has left my heart broken, it has effected my appetite where I donít eat, sparked my depression and anxiety to become worse, and has ultimately left me in such grief where I am questioning my self-worth.
I will start off with what had happened.
3-years ago my family had moved us to a smaller town from a bigger city. I had left extended family and some real good friends behind. Within the last 3 years of moving into the new town I had effortlessly tried making new friends, but my efforts had failed. Then about 2-3 weeks ago after another desperate attempt to make a friend the opportunity had come up.
It happened on the night of March 25, I made a new friend and within the first week I had grown quite fond of this new person, and they grew fond of me or so I wad led to believe.
Within the week we got a little too close and slept with one another and it was just the one time, shortly after that, this person told me that I had impressed them and that I continued to impress them with the things I had done, and with the things they were discovering about me. We exchanged contacts (email and facebook.)
Prior to al, these good tings happening, the person had told me to be cautious about coming around and he would leave certain signs (like a curtain being up or down from their window) to let me know that it was okay to drop by and visit. This all happened within the same week, I went to visit them and they told me that they had just gotten out of a bad place, that their girlfriend had cheated on them and that he still loved her, but broke up with her because of her mental illness and could not handle to be with her. I really didnít know how to take the news.
Within the second week, we both talked over facebooks messenger system, and he had said to me that he really liked me. I acknowledged my feelings as well telling them that I really liked him too. He then told me he had seen his previous girlfriend, the one he broke up with, and had told her he was seeing someone new and told me that she said that she was happy for him.
He had told everyone he knew about me, which was surprising for me because I was taking my time to break the news to anyone I knew (no one at all not really =( ) only because I was trying to get to know him better.
I had to tell him that I didnít wish to hurt him and that I wanted to take things slow because relationships had scared me, and to give me some time. He gave me a reply that he hoped he could be in a relationship with me. And he kept prying at me to see if there was a chance at all, I told him yes because I liked him, but to give me some time.
Later chats he told me that he cared about me and really liked me. He had even told me the same thing upon visitations. He also told me that he did not wish to sleep with me if we were not in a relationship as it may lead to him having feelings for me, which I absolutely respected and told him I would not push the issue of that.
I had given it a few days of thinking and actually had enjoyed being in this persons company so much that I regret now leaving messages like the I Miss yous and thinking of yous on facebook.
I had come around again visiting and things went well, and I had finally got the nerve up to tell this person that I would be their girlfriend,.
It has been over 7 years since my last bf, a very close one, I was with for a very long time had passed away, due to a very bad motor-vehicle accident .
I gave it 7 years since 2000 for my grieving to have had passed. I made the decision I was going to try again.
That night he asked me to sleep with him and I gave in and said yes only because I had told him I would be his girlfriend, but Iím not sure if he had realised what I had told him
. The same night also he had asked me if I had read a poem he wrote from the heart about wanting a life long partner. I told him yes. Upon leaving his place, the very same night, I went back on face book and clicked the like button after reading his poem again because it was very moving.
The next day goes by and we were both on facebook chat I felt something had been wrong, he told me his ex girlfriend had come by and told her that I also had come by.
She asked what was he going to do if either of us were came by if one or the other were visiting him. He said that he would tell either one of us that he just had company.
He also told me that he didnít think she would like it if she knew he was seeing another girl, just as he wouldnít like it if she was seeing another guy. At that point I truly suspected something was wrong. We agreed that if I was to come by that I would let him know in advance time and day. He said it would make things a lot easier.
Another day had passed and we ended up on the face book chat. This had happened this passing Monday April 8,
He recognized that I had clicked the like button on his poem that he had wrote and seemed happy about, told a few jokes then after half and hour of silence had been straight up with me, which I respect and appreciate. He told me his ex had come around seeing him frequently. I responded and told him I was afraid of approaching him as such as I suspected he had feelings for her, he said he did and that he had invested a lot in her.
He told me his ex girlfriend may have had been cool with me now , but things would turn into a blood sport later with her because of her mental illness and that he didnít want things to complicate his life any further, nor did he want to lead me into any hurt either.
He thanked me for understanding. but after kept on joking with me very coldly and ignored other things I had told him such of the fact, that I knew what it was like to be with someone for so long.
I tried to tell him I wasnít with my last boyfriend because of his passing, I was trying to let him know that I could relate, but he treated me like a big joke after by saying stupid things, which were only making me more upset than I already was upon hearing the sudden news,and left the chat saying he had other things do.
After our brief chat, I left him a message telling him that I had regrets, that I was sorry for ever meeting him, that It would tear me apart over and over again, to talk to him or even be a friend on his face book, that I was sorry for some wrongs I had done, and that I would stay away from visiting him, and go back into hiding like I had before. I was sorry to have gotten involved and would not get involved again. I also acknowledged some hurt telling him that I thought he had truly liked me, but I had been wrong about it. I also told him to ďplease for get that you ever met meĒ and I said a sad good-bye, and then took him off my friends list.
The thing is I respected the fact that he told me what he had told me, that he had a girlfriend, but I had no way of knowing whether or not he had lied to me within the first week of meeting me by telling me he had broken up with his girlfriend, when he may never have had broken up with her at all ,and was telling me that so I would blindly believe it and come around. Or the other possibility could be that I was nothing but a scapegoat, taken advantage of so he could get back at his girlfriend for cheating on him. My questioning that had really hurt me inside and that was only the first thing.
The second thing was that he didnít even give our friend ship enough time to build and I blame my self for getting involved way to quick in this personís life, (as did he jump into things way too quick) when I should have taken a step back and analyzed the big picture, a whole lot better and made a better decision.
The third thing is that I donít understand why this person would go against their word about having intimacy with me, after they said they would not if things were to not get serious, which they had and too quick and then totally reject me after it had happened. I felt like an object of their intimate affections, not only feeling been taken advantage of, but used, lied to, and then having them telling me theyĒ cared and really liked meĒ when really they did not as it turned out they only wanted me for what they could gain from me and do away with me after they had got what they wanted out of me. I feel it was all a big lie.
Iím trying to figure out how to let this all go as trying to repair what had happened is beyond my reach now. It has been bothering me for the last week and I am in need advice or at least some help on how I can grieve and move on from heart-break and rejection. I literally feel like Iím worthless, that no one in the world could possibly ever love me,for me.
I have been afraid to go anywhere in town when shopping or to go shopping for basic needs for fear that I may bump into this person. I have not been eating well, I have been feeling worn down broken sad, and Iím trying to get over this whole issue and move on.
thanks for coming to me about this. If anyone knows about heartbreak, I do. Maybe telling you a little about my story, you can know that you aren't alone, ever! When it comes to heartbreak, we've all been there and had those some feelings you are experiencing. My ex and I had been dating for 2 years. I had always had an inkling of suspicion that he was a huge flirt with women and loved the attention he received from them, something I had a huge problem with, of course. We fought a lot about stupid things, mainly the fights were a way for me to know that he cared, for real and didn't just take me for granted or take advantage of my innocence (he was my very first relationship). Overall, the fights were what I was truly thirsty for. I loved fighting with him, because it felt like he was finally giving himself over to me, when in actuality, he was just as selfish as I was, but more. Eventually it came to the day of our breakup. We fought about a girl we had been working with (never work with your boyfriend/husband/etc.), I suspected she had feelings for him. She was always going to the stock room (where he worked) to speak to him and see him. I was seeing it for my own eyes. We fought about her and we broke up. It was only until a week later that I found out he had hooked up with her the moment we broke up. My feelings? Well, I had lost about 10 pounds. I threw up from anxiety, I barely ate, I barely slept, I could barely fathom showering sometimes because I was in a deep, dark hole.
But, G-d came into my life shortly thereafter and it was a beautiful sight. I saw clarity. I saw justice. Things were finally falling back into place and I saw that I was better off. Sometimes, we are fooled by someone because of our physical connection with them. We are blinded by the true meaning and aspects of the relationship that may see super evident to us had it been someone else experiencing the same kinds of situations. Since its happening to us, we don't know the way out.
I can tell that this guy is a little unstable just by the description of how things panned out b/w the both of you. His girlfriend cheats on him, he's upset and angry and thinks to go for a nice girl to get his mind off of it. And you're probably right, to make his girlfriend jealous. He was a mean monster who ONLY thought of himself and no one else in the making. Fortunately for you, you got out early. I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but you should thank your lucky stars it only lasted 2-3 weeks. Why? Because if you were to be in a relationship with this person for 2-3 years... you would be sorry. He's completely unstable and should not be in a relationship at this point in his life. His ways of reaching out for a relationship and to gain a connection are coming from dark places and places that are only self-gratifying and self-fulfilling. Which is by no means a way to develop a loving relationship. With time, you shall see that this person is not for you and that you are deserving of a better and more loving person. Take the time to grieve but allow yourself to do other things.
Here's my suggestion.
When I was in my dark hole
-I saw my friends as much as possible.
-I started volunteering for a sick children organization.
-I spent a lot of time with family and spiritual guiders to help me see the light.
-Best of all, I did a little physical make over. Fake to make it.
I dyed my hair, started working out, and saw the sun as much as I could and over all, I started to look a lot healthier and happier. I wasn't so stuck anymore. I started looking better and eventually it caught up with my insides; I started feeling better.
I hope this advice finds you in a inspirational way. I am here today, almost 5 years later more happy than I could have been with him.
G-d bless you.