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General Dating Questions/The Whole Relationship is Confusing


There is a guy that I had the biggest crush on for just under three years. After three years, I finally got my chance and he asked me out. We have gone on about ten dates and things have moved very slowly. We only see each other about once a week and don't have any contact with each other, other than that. I am very attracted to him and he makes it apparent that he is also, but we just don't have intellectual chemistry and really the only reason we have made it to so many dates is because we are both bored. Is there any way to build a deeper connection?
Also, our last date, we finally kissed for the first time. It was short, but not a peck. And it wasn't a "rock your world" feeling. The next day I wasn't planning on seeing him, but I ran into him at a social event. He acted really weird, like he didn't want to talk to me and sort of ignored me. We haven't spoken since. Does this mean it's over?
I am just very confused. Even though he isn't someone I could spend hours talking to, I still enjoy the bit of companionship on the weekends and feel sad that things might fizzle out. Is the mediocre relationship one worth fighting for?

Hello Maggie!

Wait a minute. After 10 dates you've only had a short kiss? Sister, this isn't about a lack of intellectual chemistry - it's a lack of ANY chemistry!

Here's the problem:

You've spent 3 years building this guy up in your own mind (and likely, he did the same with you). Now, what you're finding out about him doesn't match the picture you have in your head. After 10 dates you're both not feeling it and frankly, how could you?

The best relationships are built not on tons of time, but on tons of passion. You've spent so much time trying to get somewhere that you've wound up nowhere.

If you were to settle now for what you have you'd always be longing for what you want. Yes, these sorts of relationships can work out, but they rarely do. People are driven by passion, not familiarity.

I suggest you take the lesson from this that you need to move things forward when you have a chance and not to just sit on things hoping it'll all come together. It never does.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Doctor of Philosophy

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