General Dating Questions/Advice
We had been dating for 2 years and on the whole appeared to be a good match. However during that time, she was very insecure and would often check through my phone, for calls made and messages and at times accuse me of chatting to other woman/cheating (which was never the case). In hindsight, I guess I was partly to blame because I did not do enough to make her feel secure. Also I did not express my feelings often enough.
We had long discussions about the breakup in our relationship and she is still adamant that I did wrong. No matter what I say does not change her point of view.
Over a year has elapsed and we have remained friends. We still chat/bbm almost every day and spend time together doing activities on some weekends. But beyond that she does not want a relationship or to get back together.
The difficulty I have is that the breakup is based on her incorrect perceptions. If I had cheated, it would have been easier to accept the breakup because there would be a valid reason.
I would like to heal our relationship but unsure how to go about it. Your comments/suggestions on the way forward will be appreciated.
Well it seems like you two are not going about the break up in a logical way, at all.
In order for the both of you to fully heal and move on, you two need total disconnection. And by doing this, one needs to completely cut off all communication, no seeing each other, or hanging out on weekends.
As for your relationship. Though her invasion of privacy was definitely a sign of insecurity, you see yourself that you had no reassured her that your relationship was strong enough for her to feel loved and secure all throughout the time spent together. The problem most of the time is the lack of loyalty one has for another. The reason why she felt she had to look through your phone and had sense of suspicion was because you gave her a reason to. Though you may not have done anything blatantly, like cheat on her, you still made her feel like an outsider in the relationship (according to what you explain to me). This means, when you two are together everything is perfect, right? You two are having fun? Laughing? Excitement? That's because when you two are together you two feel the unity. But the true and honest meaning of unity is when you two are not physically side by side but your souls are still intertwined. You two are ONE instead of two separate entities. This feeling of separation and suspicion on her part, is because somewhere along the lines of two you not hanging out together, she didn't trust that you were keeping your relationship sacred and holy. As it should be.
How can you fix this? Be loyal. Show her your loyalty. Work on yourself as an individual to attain a loyal characteristic. Be loyal and you shall have a unified relationship.