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General Dating Questions/who buys the contraception?


Hi dr Neder

Just a stupid question:

If a man states that he wanted to have sex, who should provide the contraception - him or the woman?

And vice versa

If a man said that he wanted to have sex, but he never kept condoms on hand, and expected the woman to have the condoms or be on the pill, is this man irresponsible or just free spirited?

Does a woman need to have the pill on hand 'just in case' the man wanted sex on a casual basis?

Thanks for taking the time to answer this


There's nothing stupid about this question. In fact, it's a great one.

The answer is: BOTH people are responsible for contraception. I tell guys AND girls to always have condoms on their person or readily available for instance. It doesn't matter who initiates sex like it does with who initiates a date.

If a man initiates sex but doesn't have condoms (and she's not on birth control) then you need to have them with you. If you initiate sex, just assume you're using your own as well.

The point here isn't about just being polite. It's about real health issues - and possible pregnancy is one of them.

As to the pill, I believe you're talking about "Plan B One-Step" or what's called "the morning after pill". While I think it's a good idea to have it available but it can be purchased over-the-counter if you need it.

Here's the bottom line: if a person is sexually active, it's their own, personal responsibility to protect themselves AND their partners. If both people aren't doing this, there's going to be trouble. I personally never leave that responsibility to someone else and neither should you.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Doctor of Philosophy

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