General Dating Questions/What do I do


I'm not sure how you will handle this, as it's a lot to take in. And it's hard for me to make things very clear, because my head is such a jumbled up mess. But it starts with I am 21 years old. I married a guy I had been with for two years because I felt like I was very in love with him, even though he had done some things I didn't like that inclined he was a cheater. Well, we divorced after me finding a bunch of stuff in his email that let me know how far he had gone back in December (messages, websites, nude pictures between him and ex girlfriends/fiance). It was all very crushing. Well, I told myself I didn't want to be in another relationship, because the only way to not get hurt is to not let myself care in the first place. My best friend is a guy who lived here years and years ago that moved to Florida with his family a couple years back. But we still talk on a daily basis/play our online games together. He is and has been my best friend. He also use to be asexual, so he had no desire for anything romantic or sexual with anyone. And that's why we have been such good friends. Well, I have been going out with old highschool friends clubbing. One night, after drinking alot, I went home with one of my guy friends and we had sex. I told my best friend the next day (we will call him B) and he was crushed. But it was hard for me to think he would be because he has NEVER talked about anything romntic or sexual, he has always had a exteremly hard time talking about that stuff because it makes him feel so awkward. But it came out he actually loves me and he said he wants to be with me like that. But then, the guy I had sex with (J), also wants to be with me. He said he isn't like most guys and that having sex with me meant a lot to him and he wants me to overcome my fear of a relationship because he promises he would give me the world. And he really does make me happy, he is funny and a blast to be around. And I liked having sex with him, even though I felt very very guilty afterwards because of B. And the thing with B is he has been there for m since I was 15 and knows EVERYTHING about me, and even after telling him that I had sex with this guy he accepts me for everything that I am. I know 100% he would always be there for me and he would never cheat on m because it took him 5 years just to be able to tell m that he liked me like that. He just doesn't like girls like normal guys do. The only issue is that he is in Florida, I am in Arkansas, and neither of us have to way to move to be together. And then what if it didn't work out? I could never hurt my best friend like that, and I would lose him. But if I go with J, I will also lose him. I am literally depressed beyond belief and don't want to do anything except for stay in bed. I've told J the past few days that I am just not ready for a relationship, and about B, and J is also very hurt. Today he won't even text me back. But my biggest flaw, and a huge part of who I am, is that I can't be alone, physically... I just can't not be with B and not end up doing these things over again. And I can't bear the thought of J just never talking to me now. As you can see, I am a huge mess. What would be your opinion on all of this?

I'd say date B. if it becomes possible. He has lasted the test of time and knows you well and understands your flaws and apparently is willing to except the possibility that things might not work out, but like the saying goes it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. I expect he shares that perspective. I don't understand what you see in this J. guy however as you've not mentioned anything. Is he just well endowed or something? lol. I suspect B. will be hurt most by you choosing the other guy. Of course if it is simply not possible for the two of you to be together than you really have no choice but to date J. since he's in the same state as you. But if the two of you ending up in the same place at the same time happens than I would personally give him priority.

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First and foremost if you read ahead you'll find I have a word limit on questions I'll read. This site is for short simple questions and it should not be for writing essays. Please also note I am unfamilar with most cultures outside of United Stated, UK, and France. Please respect my rules. I don't like rejecting questions. I will be the first to admit that I don't know everything about dating, women/men, and interpersonal connections. However I have learned quite a bit vicariously from other people's experiences. Think of my advice as a second opinion. I would be happy to answer all questions related to relationships, dating, self-confidence, and self-image that I can. I have struggled with all of those things and probably know better than most how to deal with all of them.

I hope more than anything that my advice and opinions will help give people perspective in their lives, and hopefully make them feel better about themselves and their situations. I will attempt answering questions for anyone of any age group or nationality. However it would be particularly useful to know the age of all people involved. It does make a difference towards the advice I give. Also not terribly familar with arranged marriages and situations in which the family can dictate the details of the relationship.

My Rules:
1). I can't answer questions that ask if a girl or guy likes the other (very difficult to know remotely)
2). No questions that are More Than 250 Words. I understand that problems can be complex, but there is a real limit to how much I can read and fully understand. Particularly if English isn't the questioner's native language.
3). Only questions from Americans, Canadians, British, and cute French women.
4). No questions that ask the meaning behind if a person sets their FB status to single, coupled, or private or if they still have a dating profile undeleted somewhere. If you're cyber snooping you're likely the issue.


I don't really have any specific experience in this area other than learning from other people's mistakes and a few of my own, and whatever I've learned as a psychology major.

B.S. Psychology

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