General Dating Questions/is he attracted to me?


Hi. I have had little dating experience, but am older-I am 33. I am in my first sexual relationship, and we have had sex a few times. My boyfriend always drinks some alcohol right before sex, enough to get him buzzed. I am wondering: Does this mean he does not truly find me attractive and desirable?  He is not a shy person at all, and he was sober when he first asked me out.  When we have sex, he does want to pleasure me and make sure that I orgasm as well.  This is driving me crazy. What are your thoughts on this? Thank you.

Hi Hally,

There are many factors to consider here. Have you both been drinking a little before you have sex and he drinks more right before the act? Is he drinking alone before? Does he do it discretely? Are you sure it's alcohol? However, I will answer on my understanding of your question.

It is a possibility that although he is not shy as a person, he has confidence issues about his body and he drinks a little for 'dutch courage'. It is not just women who worry about their bodies.

Your nakedness may also overwhelm him in the fact that he finds you so attractive that he cannot handle himself. Did you know that if a man drinks a lot of alcohol, it can prevent him from being able to get aroused enough to have sex? However, it is acknowledged that a little alcohol before sex can make a man last longer in bed. If he wants to satisfy you, it may be the reason that he drinks beforehand. You don't want the drinking before sex to become a habit though because it may escalate and, generally, people don't enjoy frequent sex with someone drunk when they're sober. Simply ask him why he does it - in a brief, charming manner. Maybe you'll find your openness will bring out his.

If it were due to him not finding your attractive, I believe that he would break up with you and reserve you as a 'booty call' for times when he is in desperate sexual need or he would just break up with you entirely. From my understanding of your question, it seems you have nothing to worry about.

All the best!


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I can answer questions on how to meet people, confidence, what to do for the best dates, problems within relationships, how to interact with your partner and how to end relationships amicably and politely. More specifically, I am best at answering issues pertaining to trust, honesty, openness, fear and communication within relationships. It is important to know that everyone loves differently and we must first identify how a partner (or prospective) partner loves, in order to understand them. I cannot answer questions on whether or not someone sounds like they are interested, people are all different when they like or do not like people. I cannot tell you how someone may react or how a situation will end but merely offer you my advice on the subject.


I do not have professional experience in the area but my knowledge of psychology, teamed with forever being an agony aunt when it comes to relationships means that I have answered many questions on relationships and am proud to say I have seen quite a few relationships flourish with my advice. I am used to surveying people and guiding them in my daily working life. Due to this, I can read situations very well, often putting a much needed outside perspective to good use.

BSc (Hons) Psychology

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