General Dating Questions/Reading


Dr. Dennis,

I understand that you don't want to try to "read her mind" and that may be what it sounds like, but please hear me out. It's not so much reading as it is understanding (which I have issues with).

So my lady friend and I have known each other for about 2 years, became "friends" (sure, it may not work dating a friend, but we didnt start to get to know each other until we had mutual interest in dating) and have been trying the dating scene. We are both in college in different states (and if you find this an issue just ignore it) but return for vacations regularly to the same city.

My issue is this, she wants to go out, but when I brought up emotions, she says that she doesn't know how she feels. This leads me to wonder if she just wants a fling, but she knows that's not what I want (insert big shock). She still seems pretty closed off which is understandable since she isn't one to open up, but as we text and communicate, she seems to get more and more distant each time we talk, even after she initiates the conversation and says that she still wants to go out. I don't want to call her out on the distancing because I don't want to come off as needy, but it's all too confusing. Is this a common thing to happen with women who don't know what they want(most...). I'm also familiar with the idea that women who "don't know how they feel" usually aren't interested, but that still doesn't explain the desire to continue dating, at least not to me.

All in all I hope that was clear. Thank you for your time,

Hello Jake!

Trust me on this: she knows exactly how she feels and what she wants. It ain't you.

Don't come to me and ask for help and then try to tie my hands. This *IS* about the long-distance issue! She doesn't want to get emotionally sucked up into something with someone she can't be with. Further, she has tons of opportunities right now (being away at school) that she doesn't want to have circumvented by having someone with expectations at a distance.

You can't simply ignore that fact and think that "deals with it". It doesn't.

By the way; note that you're doing exactly what she doesn't want to do - you're getting sucked into this LDR situation (at least, that's what you want) when in fact, you have tons of new opportunities right there at school. Why in the hell would you do that?

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Doctor of Philosophy

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