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General Dating Questions/dating someone with little dating experience


Hi. I am in my mid-thirties. I am thinking of asking a man out whom I work with. We work opposite shifts, however, so I do not talk to him or see him often, but we know of each other and have talked a few times.  I'm not sure if he is attracted to me, but that's not the point right now. This man is around my age, but I have talked to him enough (and have learned from others) to know that is he is very, very shy. I don't think he has dated much at all and it would not surprise me if he is a virgin.  I have a little dating experience, have had sex, but can be a little shy also, but I would not say it's extreme, although it used to be. I have dealt with social anxiety in the past; actually I had it for many many years, but sought help for it and take an antidepressant and an anti-anxiety pill, which helps me a great deal. I'm not sure how to go about having a relationship (if he says yes, anyway) with an extremely shy guy with no sexual experience.  I have always been the shy one in a relationship. This doesn't mean I don't like his character, because he is very sweet and nice and I'm sure he would treat a girlfriend very well. First of all, what are some first date ideas that would not be totally nerve-racking?  I don't think dinner is a good idea at first. And, I am getting ahead of myself, but I worry about him being passionate enough when it comes to sex. Obviously, I would have to be the one to initiate and take charge initially. For instance, sometimes I just want a man to want me RIGHT NOW and passionately have sex with me. Do I just cross that bridge when it happens, or am I not really compatible with him?  Can passion be learned?  I'm tired of these guys online who are cocky, inconsiderate, selfish, and only want a "friends with benefits" relationship. You would be amazed at how many men online want sex ONLY.  Anyway, what are your thoughts on this?   Thank you.

Hello, Hally.

First, you should not try to play the scenario with that guy too far forward but focus on the more immediate future. One pressure free date idea is just having coffee and a walk. If you had a few conversations with him before, he is already not a stranger and going out shouldn't be as difficult. Being shy should not be a huge obstacle. Most shy people just need a little push in order to relax and enjoy the person they like, so don't worry about it too much and try not to overanalyize what will happen between you and the guy. First, go out with him once or twice and see how things are going and then decide what to do.



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