Question Hi. I am 35 and have had only a few relationships in my life, and they were fairly brief. I don't know people who know people who know people to set me up with anyone, and I work second shift and most weekends, so that makes it more difficult to meet someone too. I have tried online dating for several months, and am having no luck. I think my online profile is pretty in-depth and reflects a fair amount of my personality and interests. However, I cannot shake this feeling of being very, very lonely and I want a sexual relationship. I am selective and do not choose just anyone who happens to be interested in me or my body. I never thought that I could have a sex-only relationship. But I have been talking to a man recently and am seriously thinking about having a "friends with benefits" relationship with him. I have not had sex in a very long time. And, yes, I do use sex toys, but right now they don't seem to be enough. I know I sound desperate, and I guess I am in some ways. I guess my question is: I can't make up my mind if I want to go meet this man and have that sort of relationship with him. Yes, I know that he would be using me, but I want sex as well. Am I just asking to be hurt? Have you known other people who have had this kind of relationship, and did it work or not work for them? I realize that these relationships don't usually last for a long period of time, but I don't want to have sex a few times and then never hear from him. I know that is just a risk that I probably will have to take. I really really do not want to go another year or two or three with no sex at all. I have desires like everyone else. Can you give me any wisdom or advice on this? (I forgot to mention this-I am a plus size woman. I have been slowly losing weight over the past year and now wear a size 22 in jeans, which is still pretty overweight. But I am happy I am losing weight. So, being a bigger girl, I do feel that my dating pool is more limited than it would be for a woman who is of normal weight. It's a known fact that a large percentage of men want a woman who is of normal weight or maybe a tiny bit overweight.)
Answer the FWB thing can be a reasonable arrangement, as long as you are aware of the parameters and accept them; essentially, this is a totally casual, no strings arrangement that shouldn't include strong emotions and that can end at any point; if you're ok with all that, then try it one time , assess your feelings, then decide if another go is worth it..
expertise: over 7000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", 2d edition, by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available upon request...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks
Over 20 years personal experience in dating, including both short and long-term relationships.Thoughtful reflection and analysis upon same, as well as providing imput relating to issues of love and romance to friends and acquaintances.
BA, Psychology, Bates College, Lewiston, Me. Graduate study at Fordham University School of Social Work.
Life experience can really be the only teacher in this area; however going through the experience is not enough. What is necessary is a real awareness, sensitivity to, and reflection upon what has happened, what has been lost, what has been gained. Getting beyond one's own insecurities and subjectivities, and seeing the experience in the context of the bigger picture, are essential stepping stones to learning and loving...ps..azure announces CT matchmaking service..for more, go to wishuponastar-ct.com