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General Dating Questions/Should I go out with this guy?


I'm a 21 year-old Asian female. I met this guy at a summer camp that I worked at a few weeks ago. Heís black and has a lot of tattoos. He also smokes weed sometimes and drinks sometimes. To be clear, I donít discriminate whatsoever. I just thought itís necessary info to share because Iím the exact opposite. Heís very funny and sarcastic. He seemed to be interested in me at first because he jokingly asked me to be his gf one time and even asked for my phone number. One time during camp, we had a pretty personal conversation and he learned that Iíve never had a bf and never went on a date. He suggested that I should open up more, get a friend wt benefit, etc. He seems like a womanizer because he said heís only had 1 serious relationship but heís hooked up with several girls. Then that night when we hung out with a group of friends at a party. , he came up and hugged me and asked if I would go to his room. I said no.

Since then, he tried to match me up with a couple of his friends but I told him Iím not interested. The camp is over and I donít see him anymore but we still text. Today, when we were texting, I turned down another one of his friend matches that he offered. Then he asked me if I wanted to hang out with him instead. To be honest, I think I'm a bit interested in him and part of me wants to experience dating but I donít know if I trust him enough to go out with him. What do you think I should do? Iím very inexperienced when it comes to dating.
Thanks for your time!

Hi Joo,

It seems on the surface that he may be after one thing if he has already asked you about casual sex but one serious relationship may mean that he was hurt and that's why he hasn't dated properly since. It could even be that he uses 'out there' conversations to hide hurt or underlying shyness. Hang out with him but if he tries to move things forward again, you need to tell him that you're the dating kind of girl and you don't want no strings attached sex, it's all or nothing with you.

Just let him know you want to hang out with him for now. However, as for him being a first boyfriend, I would be hesitant to progress further until you know the circumstances of his last relationship breaking down, why he hasn't had one since and why he sleeps around. Is he the faithful kind of guy? As you're hanging out, you can get to know him and you can find these things out.

You may be 21 years old but the only way you're going to have no strings attached sex with someone is if you don't care about them. The slightest inkling that you might like him, will make you feel more attached. It's not a female thing, it's a personality thing and the fact that you haven't had a boyfriend yet will make you want to be something with him (especially if you can already see his faults, want to nurture him - you may even end up down the route where you someday want to 'change' him). We've all been there at some point but the no strings attached route with someone you like rarely ends well.

The decision is yours but I would say the best relationships start from friendships so take it slow and see where it goes.

All the best!


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I can answer questions on how to meet people, confidence, what to do for the best dates, problems within relationships, how to interact with your partner and how to end relationships amicably and politely. More specifically, I am best at answering issues pertaining to trust, honesty, openness, fear and communication within relationships. It is important to know that everyone loves differently and we must first identify how a partner (or prospective) partner loves, in order to understand them. I cannot answer questions on whether or not someone sounds like they are interested, people are all different when they like or do not like people. I cannot tell you how someone may react or how a situation will end but merely offer you my advice on the subject.


I do not have professional experience in the area but my knowledge of psychology, teamed with forever being an agony aunt when it comes to relationships means that I have answered many questions on relationships and am proud to say I have seen quite a few relationships flourish with my advice. I am used to surveying people and guiding them in my daily working life. Due to this, I can read situations very well, often putting a much needed outside perspective to good use.

BSc (Hons) Psychology

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