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General Dating Questions/His response and what I should do? he seems upset


So I work in a dental office and a while back (like 2 weeks ago) I saw a guy come in who I thought was really cute. I found out through my coworkers who he was and stuff and realized his name sounded familiar and that one of my best friends knows him. I had messaged her on fb and asked her about him and she was telling me about him and wanted to hook us up. She sent him a message and told him to look me up. He has come in the office a couple of times but I never really got to talk to him. He came in last week though because he was supposedly in the neighborhood (he's a cop) because he had to talk to someone about something. Everytime I walked past him to get stuff for restock he would look around to me and look at me as I walking by him and then when he was leaving, he closed the door behind him and saw me and looked at me and waved and kinda saw him smile at me a little. The thing is, since I haven't been able to say hey in person due to work and being it really busy. I got a message from my friend saying she had heard from him...his response was he told her he met me. He said he preferred not to start anything until after his work at the office was done because it was awkward (which I can understand) then he said it was weird that I saw him there for an appointment then decided to look up his name (on facebook) and found my friend was friends with him. He asked my friend not to repeat this all to me and that maybe when he was done at the dentist he'd feel differently with a lol. The only thing is, I never intentionally looked him up, that's where he has it mixed up. I never meant to make anything awkward and as far as I know everything has been done OUTSIDE of the office. Everything was harmless. I don't understand why he seemed upset but yet he waved to me last week? Do you think this guy is worth it or am I taking things the wrong way?

Hello Jenny!

First, I don't think any of this would be "awkward" at all unless someone actually tries to make it that way. If you both are mature (hopefully), responsible (thankfully!), adults (absolutely!) then nothing has to be awkward at all.

Second, I don't think he was upset at all. It sounds to me like he's just being (overly) cautious. Again, I think this is misguided too. There's really nothing to be cautious about and in fact, people use Facebook, Google and many other ways to find information about others. That's the world we live in. Deal with it.

Third, why didn't you go say hello to him rather than just making googly eyes through the window and when you were talking by each other. That's where things get weird! He already knew you were interested in him. What's wrong with just saying "hello"?? ("Oh my god! Me being so forward and saying hello to him! What if he thinks I want SEX...???") Come on here Jenny. If you want an adult relationship, everyone needs to be adults from the very start.

Fourth, I can't tell you if he's "worth it". Worth what? I don't know your level of attraction to him nor his to you. I don't know what you want or what you hope to gain from all of this.

What I can tell you is that all the little gesturing, pretending to ignore him, misdirection, not being up-front, etc., isn't going to get you any sort of adult interaction with this guy. Without adding in the personal contact, cyber-stalking him is going to get pretty creepy pretty quickly, don't you think?

Instead, being sweet and charming to him the next time you see him, using his name and being engaging is likely to do more good than harm. If you're interested in seeing where this is going, I'd stop doing all the speculating and sharing notes about this guy with your girlfriend like you were teeny-boppers in jr. high school and just talk to him. THEN you can decide if he's "worth it" or not.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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