General Dating Questions/Constant fights

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Question
Dear Karen,

I am a 27 year old woman dating a 23 year old man. We have been dating for almost a year now. Off late we have been fighting constantly over petty issues and bigger things. From my side I feel that whenever I express my feelings to him he takes it negatively and has an outburst, and has a defense mechanism instead of trying to understand the entire problem or issue. he feels that I am always seeing the wrong things n he can never be perfect for me. But I dont always criticise him, he goes into a shell and then we dont talk about it anymore. It has come to a point that I am scared of expressing myself assuming that his reaction will be negative. He is an amazing person but off late we both are not able to support each other emotionally.. There are days when I need his warmth but cold shouldered for silly things bcoz I was late to meet him or something else. Sometimes I find him very immature initially i accepted it and used to work around it but off late i have been having a tough time in life n i need his support which is lacking. Please advise. I feel this is going in the wrong direction.

Answer
Hi Nisha,

It may be the age difference. Although it is not a huge difference, it is said men mature slower than women. Generally, that is why people talk of younger women with older men. However, it depends on how mature you both are. It seems your partner may be slightly immature when tackling issues.

However, you need to speak to him in a nice but assertive manner. I would suggest this formula for talking to people about your problems:

'When you.....

It makes me feel....

I would appreciate it if you would.....

I value you and hope that we can get through this.'

Always think before you speak and choose your words carefully when discussing these sort of problems. Don't say things you will regret and plan out your words and answers to questions before you raise the issue. If you don't feel you can get past this, you may need to re-evaluate your relationship and whether you wish to continue it.

All the best!

Karen

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Karen

Expertise

I can answer questions on how to meet people, confidence, what to do for the best dates, problems within relationships, how to interact with your partner and how to end relationships amicably and politely. More specifically, I am best at answering issues pertaining to trust, honesty, openness, fear and communication within relationships. It is important to know that everyone loves differently and we must first identify how a partner (or prospective) partner loves, in order to understand them. I cannot answer questions on whether or not someone sounds like they are interested, people are all different when they like or do not like people. I cannot tell you how someone may react or how a situation will end but merely offer you my advice on the subject.

Experience

I do not have professional experience in the area but my knowledge of psychology, teamed with forever being an agony aunt when it comes to relationships means that I have answered many questions on relationships and am proud to say I have seen quite a few relationships flourish with my advice. I am used to surveying people and guiding them in my daily working life. Due to this, I can read situations very well, often putting a much needed outside perspective to good use.

Education/Credentials
BSc (Hons) Psychology

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