General Dating Questions/Contrarty conversaton


Why will someone say the opposite of what you just stated.
ie: I say, looks like we may get rain tonight.
he says: oh maybe just a drop, no big deal.
I say: I don't like to drive at night, I like to see other people on the road during the day.
He say: night driving is the best, no distraction.
I say: my work schedule is ......
He says: it is what it is.

I am not sure why he does this. Is he trivializing what I say, or is it a controlling issue?
And why would someone do that to an other person?
Thank You

Hello (again) Christine!

No, he's likely not trying to trivialize what you say or control you.

In fact, there are many reasons why a person might do this and in order to know specifically why you'd need to know the context in which the statement is made.

Interestingly, this is one technique that some people actually use to get CLOSER to someone else. No, I'm not kidding. These people don't see that they're being contrary at all. They see themselves as opening up and telling you about how they think - even if it's different from you.

There are other people who are "negators". These people naturally speak in "negation" - being the opposite of what others say. They don't do this out of contempt at all. They do it because it is most comfortable for them.

There are still other cases where someone is trying to distance themselves from you. They say the opposite (and may honestly feel that way) trying to create an emotional, intellectual or spiritual separation. The issue here however isn't even the separation, it's WHY they are trying to separate. It might be that they have lost interest in you or in the conversation. It might be that they feel insecure and are deflecting. It might be that they are trying to redirect the conversation to something else, etc. There are 1001 different reasons why a person does this.

You can't take a few isolated sentences said by someone (out of the millions of words used in the course of knowing that person) and try to ascribe meaning. Further, words themselves aren't important. What *IS* important are actions.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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