General Dating Questions/Curious

Advertisement


Question
So this girl and I met about four weeks ago at the beginning of the school year (we are both in University). During class, it seemed that She liked my personality and laughed at all my jokes, she even felt comfortable with me massaging her back, so I wanted to ask her to study with me. She willingly agreed and we started hanging out. She also expressed to me how excited she was to find out more about me. So I texted my friend about it and she told me to ask her on a "proper" date. Over the course of our hanging out she told me she liked smoothie king, and said that "we should go there together sometime." When we went I said it was a first date, and now I put a label on it(which I somewhat regret), and she didn't really want anything there. Last week, I even tried holding her hand, and she backed away and did not want to hold it, perhaps  it was a bit of a shock to her. So as we walked to our usual hangout area, she tells me that she is busy and needs some time to read on her own and sort of shoos me away, and at this point she still seemed comfortable flirting with me. So before I left, I told her to text me, and she responded by writing down her work hours, and telling me to text her. when I talked with her though, I noticed that she would give me half hearted responses. So the class after that,  I asked if she wanted to hang out, and she said she was going to hang out with a friend, then she gave me a hug, and my gut told me that she just didn't want to hang out with me. So next class, I didn't sit next to her. I Figure I would just give her space and not chase her, lest I pressure her more. Later that day, I ran into her at the library and she gave me a smile, and as we approached each other, she talked with me warmly, just as she did before. We were both looking for computers, but we couldn't find any so I led her to the computer lab. We studied, so we didn't say much but afterwards she said "see you Friday". I can't help but wonder if she only sees me as friendly now, she still doesn't text me, but I have already conveyed with my short responses, that I don't like texting. If she liked me again, do you think she'd be blowing up my phone?(that's a good thing btw).

Answer
Hello Nathan, I apologize for the late reply.

Ah, young love. What she's doing is completely normal. Do not worry, this is not a test. But do take notes, this will be on the mid-term. ;)

Basically she is showing here that she does like you. But obviously she is not sure about how she feels. More than a friend or not? The question will go through her mind like a fat guy goes through cake.

She knows she wants to be friends, so she is focusing more on that right now. It's far easier for her to simply be friends. But being more? That is going to take more thought. So the more you convey your ideas of being together, the more it might possibly push her away until she is ready. She will show the random actions of believed interest, which is great. But hilariously, that does not mean she wants to take the plunge.

So in the end, it's just that things are moving too fast for her to process and understand how she feels.

For guys, it's like this. Girl pretty, me like her, me want to be with her. Literally, that's it. But for girls, put your feet up, you're going to be a while. She'll first talk to friends about you, then you'll hear rumors from them which could change at any time. A girl network will be established and soon every girl she knows will know about what is going on. If the bathroom doesn't hear about it and suddenly talk about it with others, her friends will. So from there, she'll get opinions based on the friends and thoughts of others.

Then she might talk to her mom, who will give her amazing advice on how to understand her feelings. From there, she will contemplate the idea. Think of it as a ticking clock that could strike 12 at any minute.

Now, you didn't come to me to find out the understanding of the girls thought pattern. You probably want my advice on how to get the girl. Am I right?

So, here is the plan.

Make sure you establish the understanding that you do not want to move any faster than she. Now, I do not mean for you to tell her this. But show her. Do not fall into the friend zone, as in, don't become like a gay best friend. Become the friend that she wants, but do not let her forget about you as a potential suitor. From there, make sure her other friends like you. I do not mean a romantic like. But the kind of like that will get you brownie points with them when it comes to the daily talks that will happen when you are not around, about you.

Also, be open and honest when she asks you about what you feel. This is not a lying game or a first one to show their cards loses type.

You do this, she will be yours.

But, and yes there is always a but. If she feels that you do not fit within what she wants as a potential boyfriend. Then you will not be such. But she will still want you to be a boy whose a  friend. Which you can be. If you really like her however, do not give up hope even when she might date others. Keep in mind, most high school and college relationships end relatively quick.

Hope this helped, let me know if I can help further

General Dating Questions

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Joe Burgett

Expertise

I can answer anything in the dating world. Whether it be love, sex, break ups, hardships, first dates, you name it. I have been an expert on this site for 2 years in various places, and mainly answer questions for teen dating, but being that I am in the between stage of teen and adult (in my 20s), I understand the new and old on things and no one is too young or too old to ask my help.

Experience

I'm an expert in 5 other categories on AllExperts.com, including Teen Dating. I have counseled people for years before, and have experience in all facets of relationships and dating. Sometimes my friends call me the date doctor due to how well I help them out in their relationships. I have helped both women and men in dating, so it doesn't matter who asks, I will be able to answer.

Organizations
BleacherReport.com Ring-Rap.com SportsScribes.com HitTheRopes.com

Publications
BleacherReport.com Ring-Rap.com SportsScribes.com HitTheRopes.com Pwrestlingnews.com FanvsFan.com

Education/Credentials
TV and Radio Broadcasting Degree-Jefferson State

Awards and Honors
Dare Essay Winner (2001) 4 articles of the day on BleacherReport.com

Past/Present Clients
Over 400 with AllExperts.com Over 200 independently

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.