General Dating Questions/Dating and homecoming

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Hi, ok so I am a freshman in highschool and I met this really nice guy who is on the dance team, I am on the highschool dance team too. He is really cute and nice ad we stated to talk and this other girl on the dance team said that he liked me and I liked him too.

So we had known each other for about less than a week and people said that he was going to ask me out. (Everyone said that he is a super sweet guy, and he is. I don't get to see him a lot because I don't have any classes with him, I only see him at dance practice and highschool dance team ends in December.) But I told him that I didn't want I date because I first of all am not allowed to date until I'm 16, and I had barley known him. We flirt a lot and hug and stuff, but I don't want to date yet.

So then all of his friends kept asking me if we were goin out and I said no were just good friends, and they said that they were going to tell him to ask me out. But I really didn't want to go out just yet.

So now I have known him for about 3 weeks and a few days ago he asked me out, I had already told him I wasn't allowed to date, and that I wanted to be friends for right now, but is friends made him ask me and I didn't want to be rude so I said yes. I don't really want to be date dating right now I just want to flirt and be cute together but not in a serious relationship.

How can I tell him this again after he already asked me out and I said yes? Am I crazy for thinkin this is kinda rushed?

He is also goin to ask me to homecoming, but when he does how am I going to tell my parents? I am very nervous.

Please help ASAP!
Katie

Answer
Hello Katie!

Oh! The drama!   ;)

No, this isn't rushed at all.

Your parents likely don't want you to date hoping that you'll focus entirely on your schoolwork. I get that but don't agree with it.

I'm not sure why there's all this drama over dating. It's not really the big deal you (and mom and dad) seem to be making of it. Dating is simply getting to know about someone and letting them know about you too. It's a chance to have fun while learning to connect and interact with someone you like. It's not really that big a deal.

It might be a good idea to have a calm, quiet talk with your parents about this. If you go to them demanding, begging or getting emotional about it, they're going to cut you off.

Instead, if you simply explain to them that you want to go to the dance because it's part of the school experience and that you'll be there with friends as well as adults, they are probably going to be more open to the idea. Explain that you understand why they don't want you dating yet, but that you're not going to let this affect your school work and you're not going to get wrapped up in some boy. Explain also that the school and other parents seem to feel this is ok as they wouldn't be involved otherwise.

You should also ask them what conditions would make them feel more comfortable about it. For example, would they feel better if they met this boy before the dance? Would they feel more comfortable if you had them drive you there and pick you up, etc.?

This shows that you're being considerate of their feelings and rules and are trying to be responsible to them. These are the best conditions where they'd say "yes" to you going on this "date".

Consider this too: dating isn't really the big deal you're making it out to be. It's just a chance to connect and have fun with someone. In a way, you've already been doing that all your life with your girlfriends, right? This is the time you should be learning about boys just like you're learning about history, geography, English and math. They are all skills you'll be using the rest of your life.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

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I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

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I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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