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General Dating Questions/Why didn't I scare him off yet?


QUESTION: Hi Azure, question for you.

I'm a 31 year old woman, met a 26 year old guy on a dating site. He is very polite and respectful. On our first date, he told me "I read on your site that you are looking to get married, I don't think I'm ready for that just yet."

I told him I was going out of town on a conference for 2 weeks, and he said "ok I won't text you for two weeks then." I assumed he would never contact me again.

But he kept on texting me during the conference saying hi and if I wanted to see him again in case I got back earlier.

And then after two weeks he kept asking me out on second and third dates.

I've been dating online for years and no one has asked me out on second or third dates.

What's your impression about this? How much interest is there, and do you think he's reconsidering the marriage thing? or just getting to know me?


ANSWER: at this point, no one needs to even THINK marriage...if he's asking you, there's obvious interest; just take it one date at a time and see what happens..

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: He has a masters in engineering. I'm doing my PhD in case you're wondering.

My entire family (and their friends and colleagues) will not stop screaming at me and putting tons of pressure on me to get married, they say 31 year old women are too old and you need to settle down immediately because it's harder as a woman to get pregnant and have kids later on in life. So this thing is driving me crazy. I am being interrogated constantly by them and they keep on grilling me about marriage and babies continuously, it's driving me insane.

Also, as my own personal goals, at 31 I don't want to waste too much time with the wrong guy.

everyone needs to calm down; first, tell family/friends, that the subject is "off limits"..hopefully they can respect your wishes; 31 isn't a cause for panic, nowadays it's not too old for anything; sure you can have it as your long term goal, but to get there it happens in stages; right now you're in a very early stage of eventually deciding if you and this guy have long term potential; at this point, all you need to consider after a date is "do i want to see him again?"...after a few months of yesses to that question, you can both decide as to a possible life future together...

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expertise: over 7000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", 2d edition, by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available upon experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks


Over 20 years personal experience in dating, including both short and long-term relationships.Thoughtful reflection and analysis upon same, as well as providing imput relating to issues of love and romance to friends and acquaintances.

BA, Psychology, Bates College, Lewiston, Me. Graduate study at Fordham University School of Social Work.

Life experience can really be the only teacher in this area; however going through the experience is not enough. What is necessary is a real awareness, sensitivity to, and reflection upon what has happened, what has been lost, what has been gained. Getting beyond one's own insecurities and subjectivities, and seeing the experience in the context of the bigger picture, are essential stepping stones to learning and announces CT matchmaking service..for more, go to

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