General Dating Questions/Two times lucky


Hi Karen,

Thanks for taking the time to read this email. My question has to do with two great guys I have recently met and started dating. I have been on two dates with one guy who is younger but quite mature and is a very nice guy and the other has been four dates and is a little older. I have enjoyed spending time seeing these two guys and have a lot in common with both, also things seem to be progressing with both of them quite quickly. The first already kissed me, starting saying "this relationship" and making long term plans from the beginning and the other while not as forward things seem to be heating up more each time I see him and he has now started talking about future plans we could do on dates and trips we could take together, we also kiss, hug and hold hands.

Because of this I have been feeling a bit guilty seeing these two guys at the same time although all so recent. So I decided to let the younger one know first that I am also seeing another person. Well he took it pretty hard, he kept saying that he really puts his heart out there and gets devastated easily and that he feels a bond between us already and has had an amazing time etc..
Anyway he said that he is only interested in a serious relationship and that he wants me to choose who I want soon before he gets even more invested and gets more hurt. He also said that if I don't choose him that there is no way he could just be my friend because it would hurt too much.

Well after all of this I have now had second thoughts about telling the second guy and think I should just get to know him and decide without causing him the hurt of telling him about another guy, incase he reacts like the first one in any way. So in addition to having to choose between two guys I really like, I am feeling pressured to do this decision soon. This is hard because while I know the first guys intentions, it's hard to probe the second guy about his intentions so soon because I don't want him to think I'm asking him all these relationship questions because I want to rush into some form of commitment with him so early on, but I do need an idea of what he wants relationship wise to actually make a decision. On top of this once the decision is made I have to break the news to one of them, which I have no idea how to do as I don't want to hurt either one and would love to still have that guy in my life as a friend. Although I don't know how realistic this is as we have started out with romantic intentions from the beginning, which has included kissing and hugging and being close but not beyond that.

I would really love advice about how to handle this situation as I am feeling overwhelmed and confused at the moment about how to proceed in this situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.



Hi Kelly,

My advice to you is simple: pick one and don't look back. Don't worry about who you'll hurt just tell the other person you've met someone else and although they are wonderful, you felt the other had a special bond with you (that implies that it was nothing they did or failed to do that made you choose the other person). Who can you see yourself spending your life with or really being committed to? Who makes you laugh? Who looks at you and makes you want to melt? Pick that person and hold no regrets.

If you keep seeing them both any longer, it could continue and get a whole lot more complicated.

All the best!


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I can answer questions on how to meet people, confidence, what to do for the best dates, problems within relationships, how to interact with your partner and how to end relationships amicably and politely. More specifically, I am best at answering issues pertaining to trust, honesty, openness, fear and communication within relationships. It is important to know that everyone loves differently and we must first identify how a partner (or prospective) partner loves, in order to understand them. I cannot answer questions on whether or not someone sounds like they are interested, people are all different when they like or do not like people. I cannot tell you how someone may react or how a situation will end but merely offer you my advice on the subject.


I do not have professional experience in the area but my knowledge of psychology, teamed with forever being an agony aunt when it comes to relationships means that I have answered many questions on relationships and am proud to say I have seen quite a few relationships flourish with my advice. I am used to surveying people and guiding them in my daily working life. Due to this, I can read situations very well, often putting a much needed outside perspective to good use.

BSc (Hons) Psychology

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