I'm feeling so confused and conflicted. I had a co-worker who was diagnosed with cancer; during the last year of her life; I connected with her deeply and became very close. She was married with 2 young children. We did play dates and I had met her husband on prior occasions and spoke to him during her treatments etc. She lost her battle with cancer last year in 2013. She lived near me and I knew the hardship of her leaving behind 2 young children. I took up a collection and stopped by to visit her husband and children. I offered to care for the kids whenever he needed some time to run errands and such. I've been separated from my relationship for a year and have a young child as well. We began to do play dates for the kids. My daughter and I would visit them often and spend time with them. On one visit he asked me if I would be willing to go to dinner with him without the children and I agreed. Didn't think much of it; well dinner went well and at the end of the night; we kissed. I don't know what came over me, but we didn't stop. He made it clear that he wasn't looking to replace his wife and that he knew she was special to me as well. We talked about everything she wanted for him and his children. She wanted a good mother and wife to help raise her children. I loved her deeply and feel conflicted because I allowed the kiss to happen. I care for this man and the children but I don't know what the right thing to do? I know that most people may have a problem with it because she was my friend. I would NEVER have thought of doing something like this had she still been alive. I never even looked at him that way. I respected and loved her and now I'm feeling so horrible. Is this right? Would it be best for me to leave this alone? I don't know what to do. Any advice is appreciated.
Hello Stephanie, hope your having a good day. My condolences with regards to your friend. In a situation such as yours its hard to not feel guilt, but remember you did not pursue him, and were not waiting for this to happen. So please don't be hard on yourself. It seems like the husband has made some sort of peace with the fact his wife has passed and that it would be okay to see where things go between you two. This is not to say he planned this, but I feel like you too have formed a bond " Mourning, kids", and there happens to be chemistry.
Honestly,I feel like your friend would not look down on you or her husband for this. I have seen a few situations where the ailing person has asked their friend and spouse to take care of the kids together or that if something were to happen, then they have their blessing. So with that being said take your time and see if this is right for you. Remember this does not make you wrong, its one of those things that happens naturally with some people.
Cleopatra Isis E.
Integrated Master Life Coach
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Thank you so much for your advice. It was very helpful!
I can answer any question! As a Integrated Master Life coach I help clients overcome personal challenges with my expert advice (Dating, family, self-management, Personal development, stuck emotions, stress, relationships of all kinds, romantic, family or friendships.
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