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General Dating Questions/Girlfriend's comments on penis size



Hey doc, I have been dating a girl for 1.5 years who had never had an orgasm previous to me, says she has never had sex so often in her life like she does with me, and I am her best ever. She wants to move away with me, wants and initiates sex all the time, ect.

She has had max 5 partners and minimum 3 that I know of including myself

But she has made comments that make me a bit uncomfortable about penis size! First off I am a grower not a shower, and 6 inches long, which I know is slightly above average at best or average. Girth I have no idea but I am not crazy thick by any means, kinda normal.

She has said the following, all WITHOUT me prompting her:

"I don't like big dicks they scare me...don't get me wrong this is still nice and all... (points to my groin)"


On the other hand tho doc, after sex the other night she said (again without me prompting her):

"I don't like big dicks, they scare me. Yours is perfect for me a perfect fit."

I replied with "sugar, don't take this the wrong way but ladies sometimes can't tell size accurately anyway, you are great for me too"

so she said "oh I can, just take the compliment. I could tell you something that would make you never want to have sex with me again"

(she does not have an STD so it is not that)

She did not tell me. But I assume she had a bad experience with one guy that she had sex with who was well endowed. I remember a while back we talked about black guys and if the myth was true, and she said in her one experience yes but didn't know how to use it

I doubt her previous boyfriend was the endowed guy in question because he was a very small guy stature wise and feature wise. Additionally she has said (even though this might be false in all reality) "I would think a tall guy would have a bigger penis) and her ex was very short.

So what I take from this doc is that she has probably been with one particular guy who had a large member and it might have been painful ect, I am kinda average but good for her, and her ex was more than likely my size or smaller.

I realize that as long as I'm not tiny and I am good skill wise, it won't matter (and I also realize I am being insecure here doc, but humor me), but does my assessment of the situation sound accurate?

She has also candidly called dildos in sex stores "scary" and stuff, so her preference may actually ring true, because she is a very small girl
Answer:   Hello Phil!

I'm worried that maybe she had a penis of her own at one point. [kidding!]

No, your assessment doesn't sound accurate. I understand however that it really doesn't matter how you "assess" anything. It's how you respond to it.

It's difficult to take any comment about your junk without SOME consideration. I mean, what if you said, "Small vaginas scare me". Don't you think your GF would respond to it? Of course she would.

The problem here is one that many men see: they don't understand how some women "speak their thoughts". By this I mean that women often say things not because they believe them or have any feelings whatsoever - yet - about them. Instead, they say them to "hear" what they sound like in real life.

I suspect this is what's going on here.

She's otherwise VERY satisfied with your sex life (from what you tell me) and thus, the size of your package means absolutely nothing - big OR small. (Oh, and yes - at 6" you're slightly above average in length. The issue however isn't length at all since the average vagina is only between 3.5-4.0 inches! The issue is girth.)

Ok, all that said, be careful not to let this get hold of you. It doesn't mean anything. What's far more important is your skill. Her actions tell you quite a bit and THAT is what you need to focus on. If you're getting tired of hearing these random comments just give her that "small vaginas" line and trust me, it'll stop pretty quick.

Best regards...


So doc what is the issue she is saying to herself? That my penis doesnt feel wide enough for her? Is that what you think the physical issue is?

I reread my question as well. About her EX boyfriend, she said that " I think tall guys have larger penises" and I am taller than her ex. She did NOT imply that he had a big one despite being short. This hinted to me that he was smaller than I am since I am a decent bit  taller. She has also said she used to text and watch tv when they would have sex, something that I am sure wouldn't happen if he was so well endowed that it hurt her or pleased her alot.

I get that women speak their thoughts like that. But her saying that she could "tell me something that would make me not want to have sex with her again" sounds like she had sex with a particularly large guy.

What doesn't sound right?

ANSWER: Hello again Phil!

So, you're going to let this get hold of you anyway, huh?

NO! I do NOT think any of that. This girl is (according to you) sexually satisfied. The size of your prick has absolutely NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. Only YOU think it's an issue. You're trying to read into what you girlfriend says looking for a specific message: that you're not adequate.

She hasn't said anything like that from what I see. It's because YOU are insecure about things you WANT her to have said it! You WANT her to live up to your own feelings of inadequacy. Stop trying to cultivate your answers and accept the ones she's giving you!

Look: women love dicks just as you love boobs and vaginas. That's because they don't have them. Penises are fascinating to them. That doesn't have ANYTHING to do with yours, it's about penises in general.

It has NOTHING TO DO with your (or any guy's) size! It's your skill with it and the rest of your body, mind, etc.

That comment about "telling you something" doesn't even mean what you think it means. You think it's about something ridiculous like the size of some other guy's junk. No, it's not! She's speaking to you in "womanese" (in which I happen to be fluent!) What she's doing is calling you out on your insecurities!

THAT is where you need to focus your attention. THAT is what you need to fix. WHY are you so insecure about size? Trust me on this: I could steal your girl from you and make her never think about you again purely through my skill and confidence. She wouldn't even have to measure my cock - ever! You'd be left wondering dumb, waste-of-time things about whether you're long enough or thick enough or bigger or smaller than some other dude when in fact, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with it.

GET OVER THIS already.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Do you mean she is teasing me? I dont get how her saying i wouldnt want to fuck her again if she told me something shows anything but her being insecure about her past. And she has described me as not insecure before and was worried i saw her that way.

Hey Phil!

Sure you don't get it. You're trying to interpret what she says through YOUR OWN filter - not hers.

No, she's not teasing you. She's challenging you. More to the point she's saying; in her very indirect, non-specific, womanese-way, that she's getting irritated at (which very likely translates to losing attraction for) you.

So, you weren't insecure before and now you are, but she's not supposed to see what's happening now - only what came earlier?

Phil, seriously!?

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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