General Dating Questions/The guy I like....


So basically this is what happened. I've been really close friends with this guy (I'll call him Vince) for about a half a year. He was my very first friend at college, and he's still one of my best friends. For about the first two months of college, I'd say we were sort of a "thing." We hung out together ALL the time. I never really told anyone that I had this massive crush on him except my roommate. Well a couple months ago I found out that one of my close friends had a crush on him too. Since I never told her I liked Vince, I figured it's be best to follow some sort of "girl code" and kind of back off of Vince until she got over her crush. (That was the STUPIDEST idea ever on my part). My friend was always talking about wishing that Vince would invite her to hang out with him, and he never did, so I thought it would look REALLY bad if I hung out with him a lot. So I started turning him down to hang out with him, saying I was busy or had homework to do.I didn't want to lose a friend over a guy. My friend eventually got over her crush, so I started making my move on Vince again. Well Vince thought he got "friendzoned," which is NOT what I wanted at all! He obviously moved on, he's been in a sort of on/off relationship with this slutty girl who lives down the hall from me, and I just can't see it working out. She is a hardcore partier, and he is just such a sweet guy who doesn't get involved with any of that kind of stuff. I like him so much; he's one of the only people EVER that I can be completely myself with and feel comfortable hanging out with alone. I just don't know what to do. I've never gotten this hung up on a guy before.

Hi Rachel,

I'm glad you respected 'girl code', there's actually a lot of girls that don't and it's nice to hear about someone who did so, so selflessly. Now might be a time to tell her you like him though and that you've liked him a while because if you two did get together, it'd look malicious to her still.

To your point, stay friends with 'Vince'. Never tell him how you feel about 'slutty girl' (it pains me to label someone that, but hey ho! - pun definitely intended) - unless he asks - because he'll only resent you for it, it'll make him more determined to be with her and you won't have a friendship anymore. Keep hanging out with him as you used to and if ever a time comes when they do break up, wait for him to start to get over it and tell him how you feel. Don't jump in straight away or else you're taking advantage of the vulnerable. The only other solution would be to tell him face to face, just drop the information on him like a ton of... (you get my drift) but then, there is the whole girl code which is more morals in which you could ruin their relationship and you risk your friendship.

The choice is yours. Choose carefully and wisely!

All the best.


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I can answer questions on how to meet people, confidence, what to do for the best dates, problems within relationships, how to interact with your partner and how to end relationships amicably and politely. More specifically, I am best at answering issues pertaining to trust, honesty, openness, fear and communication within relationships. It is important to know that everyone loves differently and we must first identify how a partner (or prospective) partner loves, in order to understand them. I cannot answer questions on whether or not someone sounds like they are interested, people are all different when they like or do not like people. I cannot tell you how someone may react or how a situation will end but merely offer you my advice on the subject.


I do not have professional experience in the area but my knowledge of psychology, teamed with forever being an agony aunt when it comes to relationships means that I have answered many questions on relationships and am proud to say I have seen quite a few relationships flourish with my advice. I am used to surveying people and guiding them in my daily working life. Due to this, I can read situations very well, often putting a much needed outside perspective to good use.

BSc (Hons) Psychology

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