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General Dating Questions/What could his intensions be?


my ex and i dated for a year and a half, i was his first gf, im 22 and hes 21...He dumped me cuz he said he lost feelings, we did talk a few times after the break up but then we stopped talking for about 4 months.

He called me on private before a few times. I answered once and he didnt say anything and just hung up.

I deleted him off facebook in september. Then out of no where on christmas nite, he adds me back and sends me a message saying merry xmas and sent a few kisses. I wrote back thanks u too and he didnt respond.

Now he is getting his best friend to message me, and his best friend is telling me that he has to meet up with me and that we have to talk sometime soon..

why is he doing thisss??

Hi Joanna,
Thanks for taking the time to write. From what you've told me, it sounds like your ex-boyfriend is realizing that maybe his feelings for you didn't just disappear after all. But also, it sounds like he is incredibly immature and that he's playing games. Why would he have his friend message you? Why wouldn't he just pick up the phone and give you a call or ask you to meet up himself?

If he really wanted to start a conversation with you and get you to consider getting back together, he should make more of an effort than sending you a FB over Christmas with a few kisses. Or, he should have jumped all over the opportunity to have a deeper conversation, at least, once you responded.

Instead, he just left you hanging. I can't way for sure why he's doing this. He could be bored, he could be unsure of how to express that he wants you back, he could have some sort of radar that went off when he realized that you are probably moving on with your life and that freaked him out. Who knows? But the real question isn't why he's doing this, it's how do you feel about it?

You don't mention at all whether you were happy to hear from him, anxious to hear from him, etc. What are your feelings for this guy? Is it worth giving him a second chance, considering how he treated you? Breaking up with someone out of the blue because the feelings were lost is a little alarming. Clearly, he didn't discuss his waning feelings at all before the break up happened. Do you really think you could trust this guy again? If you gave him another chance, would you always be waiting for the other shoe to drop? Those are the questions you should be asking yourself.

My advice: ignore the friend, ignore the messages and don't engage. Block his number if he's going to call and just hang up. You deserve better, Joanna. It sounds like  you were doing an excellent job moving forward before the holidays hit and he started messaging you. Unless you feel like this is someone who you will have a long, trusted relationship with, try to move on.

I hope I answered your question and wish you lot of luck. I know it's not always easy to figure out to do when an ex comes out of the woodwork. But remember that things didn't work out for a reason - and you can either be on-again-off-again and waste years of your life on a relationship that's not quite right, or you can keep your options open and make yourself available to meet other people who you might have a better connection with.

Good luck!

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I can answer questions related to "the chase"--whether to be patient or more assertive. I can answer questions regarding break-ups and moving on. I can answer questions related to flirting and meeting new people as well as how to inspire them to call you.


I have much personal experience as well as often play the role of matchmaker and advice-giver with many of my friends. I took several classes related to gender relations in college, giving me a solid perspective on communication between couples and what it means.

My writing has appeared on a website and various anthologies.

Graduated with a BA from Villanova University.

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