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Hi, I'm getting some mixed signals from a friend and I don't really know what to make of it. We both go to university and live in the same block of accommodation. We really got to know each other through us both attending karate classes. She has a boyfriend of 2 years who suffers with depression and is making her feel guilty and constantly upset about coming to university. She has mentioned to me several times that she doesn't know if she wants to stay with him as he's turned into a nasty person.

Now originally I did not fancy her but I'm worried I'm developing a crush. We both discovered we liked movies and tv shows so we would meet up in her bedroom and lie on her bed (there's no where to sit) and just watch stuff on my iPad. She was very worried people would see me come in her room even though we have never done anything. On one occasion a group of girls in our block thought we were dating and her response was 'god no' but she has always found reasons to touch my face and gets very giddy around me. Since then however she's become a lot more touchy . The last time we watched a movie  it was straight after karate so we agreed to meet in her room after we'd had showers. She told me she'd leave her door unlocked and just to go straight in, which I did. When she came back from the shower she was just in a towel and said she had forgotten her PJs. I left for her to get dressed but when I came in she was just in a nighty.  She rested her pillow on my shoulder to watch,  our  arms were touching but I thought nothing of it. Then she moved the pillow to lie directly on my stomach, and started messing about. She  prodded my stomach and my cheek whilst laughing and  squeezed my chest, twice.  I mentioned that my ex always told me my chest was very comfortable and she proceeded to lie on it without a pillow.  Then she sat up and shoved her feet under my bum saying her feet were cold and I felt very  uncomfortable by it.  I mentioned a million things she could have done to warm her feet other then that and she just laughed  but the next time she did it she shoved them under my legs instead. She asked if she could feel my stubble under my chin  then went to watching the show again. A little later she  snuggled into my neck and said she needed a hug. When I asked why she said she felt very sad because she wasn't pretty like the other girls on campus.  We talked a while and hugged a lot and then I told her to get some rest as she was probably just tired. I tucked her in and left but  the next day we texted all day though sometimes she took a while to respond. I was going home for the weekend and she said repeatedly she would miss me then asked if she could meet me off the train when I came back.

This weekend she has  texted me a lot , sometimes straight back, sometimes with an hour or more in between. She has also referred to me as 'mate' and 'pal' a lot but asked if we can go to the cinema and invited another friend who may or may not come.

I really don't know what's going on, there's more stuff that has happened which I haven't put since this question would go on forever but it's just basic little signs, like catching her staring at me etc. I'm so confused though because she's always going around telling people we aren't together that think we are and she's calling me 'pal' and 'mate' etc and saying in her best friend but then she hasn't even mentioned I exist to her boyfriend. Then she's touching me a lot when we are alone and she's even noticed what girls I look at as she told me when she was upset that night that 'men only like tanned girls and you always look at the tanned girls'.  

I just want someone else's opinion really because I don't know what's going on. Sometimes I feel like she likes me, when I was with her in her room I felt like she was being more playful then a friend should be. I also don't see why she wouldn't mention me to her boyfriend if she really just sees me as a friend but perhaps that's just wishful thinking.

What do you think is going on and do you have any advise on what I should do?

Answer
certainly her behavior is a little "over the top" for someone allegedly having a boyfriend, but it really comes down to what you want; if a friendship is all you desire, then just leave it be; if you want more, then you should consider sharing your feelings and see if she feels similarly; if she says "friends only", then you could suggest some behavioral boundaries like leaving out the nighties and physical stuff, unless you're ok with it; but telling her your feelings and outlining her confusing behavior shouldn't endanger the friendship if both parties are fairly healthy emotionally...

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expertise: over 7000 questions answered...B.A. Psychology Bates College;graduate study, Fordham Univ. School Social Work; technical editor, "dating for dummies", 2d edition, by dr joy browne; thoughtful consideration of your question, then insightful advice about love,romance and related issues given in an objective, non-judgmental manner...over 20 years of personal experience in both short and long term relationships...longer term consultations are available upon request...life experience: personal involvement in many relationships where issues of love, sex, intimacy, trust, etc., had to be dealt with and resolved...just having "experiences", however, isn`t enough...it`s the thoughtful reflection upon and analysis of what happened and why, that leads to learning and enlightenment...so tell me what`s on your mind and i`ll try to help, or tell you if i can`t...thanks

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Over 20 years personal experience in dating, including both short and long-term relationships.Thoughtful reflection and analysis upon same, as well as providing imput relating to issues of love and romance to friends and acquaintances.

BA, Psychology, Bates College, Lewiston, Me. Graduate study at Fordham University School of Social Work.

Life experience can really be the only teacher in this area; however going through the experience is not enough. What is necessary is a real awareness, sensitivity to, and reflection upon what has happened, what has been lost, what has been gained. Getting beyond one's own insecurities and subjectivities, and seeing the experience in the context of the bigger picture, are essential stepping stones to learning and loving...ps..azure announces CT matchmaking service..for more, go to wishuponastar-ct.com

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