You are here:

General Dating Questions/Is this guy boorish or just ignorant?

Advertisement


Question
QUESTION: Hello Dennis,

I went on a date with a guy. I had been really attracted to him for months. He had been texting me for 4 months but I was unsure of him. Reason is. I asked him out once and he said he would think about it. I texted him this place for lunch and dinner and he said he was interested and liked that place. but then he stopped talking to me. He did not get back to me and then I dated 12 other men and then forgot about him. he then kept on texting me saying hi but i didn't really talk to him much because I was unsure of his intentions. He then texted me again weeks later and started talking to me regularly so I finally asked him out again and if he wanted to go out for dinner.

We set a time for dinner and drinks at 7:00 pm. He came at 6:45 pm and texted me that he was there, I texted back that I right across the street at the stoplight, and he said no worries take your time. I came at 6:55 pm. When I came, I saw that he had already ordered a beer and started drinking it. Hmm. Ok.

I sat down and we ordered some appetizers. He whined about what he didn't like about the lettuce wraps to the waiter, the way the lettuce was cut (yes it really was crappy) and sent it back and got something else.

He told the waitress in a very dismissive tone "can you tell your manager about how we don't like the lettuce wrap."

He went to use the restroom. He came back and I told him, excuse me, I'm going to use the restroom now too. He said "why didn't you just go when I went?" (Umm?...because it's rude for a woman to just take off when a guy leaves the table? and she should probably wait for him to come back before she leaves to pee too? uhh what??) Ok whatever.

He said he was looking for a side job. I talked to him about how I got most of my jobs from Craigslist, and how I applied on other websites for other stuff, and how I tutored 4-5 year olds when I was really out of cash, basically just sitting next to them and teaching them 1,2,3 and A,B,C when I was desperate for a job and couldn't find anything, you just had to be resourceful, and that I played some musical instruments so I taught the little kids that too and that's how I made money when I was poor and I advertised all my services on Craigslist. And he said "wow I learned a whole ton of stuff from you I didn't know. I would not even think of that."

I saw him staring at me during the date not moving. Just gazing at me. With a very dark fixated gaze. Hmm.

At the end of the date we got up to leave, his eyes were darting around everywhere but me. So I started walking to our cars and I told him I had a good time. I said my car was over there. He said "ok my car is over there" in the opposite direction and was about to dash off to his car. (He doesn't want to walk me to my car?) He was about to take off. I said "wait aren't you forgetting something?" He snapped his head around, and turned around. I leaned in to kiss him, and he hugged me for a while and kissed me back. He said we should hang out again. Then he dashed off to his car like a maniac. (In his defense it is freezing cold).

Um. Ok.

Judging from his behavior to the waiter and towards me, what do you feel?

Ignorant? Tool? Dumb? Or just a condescending snooty person who is inconsiderate of others?

Or just inexperienced with dating women and I should give him a chance? I am very attracted to him but I don't need to babysit a man LOL. But if he's just clueless around girls I won't mind it. But if he's purposely rude, I dunno. What do you feel?

ANSWER: Hello!

I really hate questions like "What do you think he was {thinking/saying/feeling/doing/etc.}?" as it's really impossible for me to say with any sort of accuracy. You talked to him at least a few times via text and maybe phone; spent at least an hour or more with him in person, etc.

What do *YOU* think?

I can say that he seems inexperienced in dating. You didn't mention his (or your) age but that can make a lot of difference too.

There are 1001 "what if's" here that I can't possibly know to give you any sort of real answer.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: We had plans to hang out again and an hour before the date I confirmed with him hat we were still meeting up and then he bailed on me

Then he texted me later saying hi and stuff but he didn't ask me out again

I don't know now. Should I back off entirely or asking him to hang out again because I already asked him to hang out once but not sure whether to let the man take the lead

I don't mind asking him out again but If he's not interested or not I can't tell if I shoukd just back off!???

You seem to think he is just inexoerienced and ignorant instead of uninterested?

Answer
Hello again!

Why in the hell are you setting up dates that have to be confirmed? That just gives someone a chance to back out!

Just tell him that you've reached out but don't seem to be getting much back from him. If he's interested, tell him he can contact you again but that you're not going to wait for him. Then, don't wait. Move on.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

General Dating Questions

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Expertise

I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

Experience

I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Education/Credentials
Doctor of Philosophy

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.