General Dating Questions/Behavior?

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QUESTION: Hello Dennis I went on a date with a 26 year old man who works as an accountant and paralegal, and he told me to pick where to go for lunch. We were supposed to meet for lunch the day before but he told me he was too hungover to get up at 1 pm, can we meet 5 hours from now, so I said no I have to go to work, let's just do lunch the next day instead. He asked where I want to meet at. So I said Chili's because they have unlimited soup and salad and he said ok. We both ordered margaritas and then they give complimentary chips & salsa. He told me he was hungover again because he went out driking again. He ate the chips and salsa and then said when the waitress came back that he wasn't in the mood for eating because he was still hungover from last night and then ordered yet another drink! So then I didn't order anything because I felt awkward eating in front of him but the waitress had given me the soup anyway. but chowing down on the soup in front of him i felt AWKWARD. He said he was eating in an hour at a birthday party so he won't eat now. Then he said he was on a diet (??) He kept on asking me questions about what I knew about STD's and kept asking me questions about Viagra and Cialis  and all kinds of sex drugs (I work in healthcare). We were supposed to meet a few days later for dinner. I asked him where we should get dinner at and he said "you can do whatever you like lol" i thought that was strange and then he did not return any more of my texts and he stood me up(?). Then he said a few days later that he had phone issues and got a new phone. He works as an accountant and doesn't have a room/office/landline phone, he just uses his cell for everything.

Should I believe him? Or is he playing games with me or what?

ANSWER: Hello!

Should you believe him that he uses his cell for everything? Yes, you should believe him. I have no idea if he's playing games with you or not.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Sorry! Should've clarified.

What I meant was - should I believe him that he really had phone issues when he disappeared on me that night?

He's used several different excuses and has bailed on dates with me this way several times. But then we did go out several other times. So not sure what to think.

ANSWER: Hello again!

I have no idea if his phone was really having issues or not. You're putting too much emphasis on single acts rather than looking at the picture as a whole. There are tons of flaky people out there. That doesn't mean they aren't interested in you. You need to use more than some missed dates to make that determination.

Even better, have your own standards - and stick by them. Decide just how flaky someone can be and still have your interest. If they fall below that line, next them and move on.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: What would you do, if you really liked this person and they were the only person you were currently dating.

Would you send one more text asking to hang out? Or drop it and find someone better who won't flake.

Answer
Hey!

What would I do? Answer: I'd still have standards. I wouldn't (and don't!) chase anyone to the ends of the earth as though I have to invest everything, take all the risks and do all the heavy lifting just to get their attention. I think far too much about myself to do that. If they don't see that, the problem is their's - not mine - and I'll just find someone else who sees it.

That's why I have standards. It makes the entire world of dating/sex/relationships far, far easier. I'm not led around by someone else who is flaky or can't pull the trigger and thus, I have much better experiences than people who don't have standards. I get to spend time with really quality people who know better and have their own standards.

It's a pretty effective formula!

I don't know how many texts you've sent asking to hang out already. However, I wouldn't text anyway. I'd call because it's stronger and more direct. People talk and I'm only interested in people who communicate - not someone who hides behind texting and conveniently "misses" my text or (even though they have their phones in their hands at every minute of the day - everyone does) waits hours or days to respond claiming they "...didn't see my text..." Bullshit.

Second, I'd never ask someone to "hang out". I'm not afraid of "dating" someone I'm interested in. Asking to "hang out" sends the wrong, vague message. Are we meeting as buddies? Am I looking for a business partner? Do I want to pull a bank heist and need a driver? Or, am I such a coward that I don't want to admit I actually like the person and may want more with them?

That's why I don't ask someone to "hang out". You shouldn't either.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Expertise

I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

Experience

I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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Doctor of Philosophy

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