General Dating Questions/What is the deal


Hello Dennis.

I dated a man and we went out for a beer. We met online. At first I really did not like what he had on his profile and was unsure about him. But thought I would give him a chance. He asked me out for a beer at 11:30 pm. I assumed he probably just wanted to get laid but told him I would meet him at 7 pm. We hit it off. Both of us are 25. He is a new attorney who just graduated from law school and passed the bar. Both of us are educated from good families. I had the sneaking suspicion he might be an alcoholic or drug addict from the way he looks, but of course there is no way to tell because he was dressed well as most lawyers are. He definitely smoked a lot of cigarettes for sure. I asked him if he had Facebook, he said no he did not have facebook, but then I found his facebook account so he is lying about that. He lives across street from me. There are a ton of bars, restaurants, pubs etc on the street we live on. We had a date Saturday for lunch at 12 noon, at 11:45 am I texted him asking where to meet at, and got no response. At 1:00 pm he wrote "sorry was hungover, I just woke up!" and asked if I still wanted to meet and I said no way, but we could meet up the next day and he could make it up to me. We had a date to meet up next day Sunday at 12 for lunch and at 11:45 he texted me saying "I'm hungover again I just woke up" I said forget it he said "no wait I'm coming gonna shave so I don't look like a werewolf and down some Gatorade" and he said let's meet at 1 and he came at 1 pm. Instead of lunch all he had was one margarita (he just cured his hangover and is drinking again?) and so I felt really weird eating in front of him. He told me all the lawyers he works with in his firm are alcoholics. So then we were supposed to meet up later on that week and he referenced something in the text message about sex, but I got into a fight with him, and we didn't meet up. I asked are we still meeting up and he didn't respond. A week went by. I said sorry about our fight last week and I'm sorry if I hurt you. I asked him out and then we were supposed to meet up at 7 that night for a beer and he would let me know where. At 6:45 I asked where to meet at and he didn't respond at all. I sent him some more texts and he didn't respond. I deleted his number out of my phone. A week later he suddenly texts me today saying "sorry my phone glitched, I just got all my contacts back now."

Dennis from your experience. What's the deal with this guy? Is he hiding a secret girlfriend? And what's with the being all weird and late and then not responding, is he intentionally trying to stand me up, or is this the sign of an alcoholic/drug addict who can't control his problems?

Hello Ebony!

I can't possibly tell you what's "with" this guy. Everything here is YOUR interpretation of what happened and even then, they are just events. They have no real context.

What you want is for me to make some judgment about this guy just to confirm what you already believe and that's also why you couched this explanation exactly as you did. There's nothing whatsoever about why YOU continued to meet him! In fact, that says more about you than it does him!

Forget this guy and move on. That's the best outcome of this situation.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

General Dating Questions

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Doctor of Philosophy

©2017 All rights reserved.