General Dating Questions/What is the deal?

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QUESTION: Hello.

I dated a man and we went out for a beer. We met online. At first I really did not like what he had on his profile and was unsure about him. But thought I would give him a chance. He asked me out for a beer at 11:30 pm. I assumed he probably just wanted to get laid but told him I would meet him at 7 pm. We hit it off. Both of us are 25. He is a new attorney who just graduated from law school and passed the bar. Both of us are educated from good families. I had the sneaking suspicion he might be an alcoholic or drug addict from the way he looks, but of course there is no way to tell because he was dressed well as most lawyers are. He definitely smoked a lot of cigarettes for sure. I asked him if he had Facebook, he said no he did not have facebook, but then I found his facebook account so he is lying about that. He lives across street from me. There are a ton of bars, restaurants, pubs etc on the street we live on. We had a date Saturday for lunch at 12 noon, at 11:45 am I texted him asking where to meet at, and got no response. At 1:00 pm he wrote "sorry was hungover, I just woke up!" and asked if I still wanted to meet and I said no way, but we could meet up the next day and he could make it up to me. We had a date to meet up next day Sunday at 12 for lunch and at 11:45 he texted me saying "I'm hungover again I just woke up" I said forget it he said "no wait I'm coming gonna shave so I don't look like a werewolf and down some Gatorade" and he said let's meet at 1 and he came at 1 pm. Instead of lunch all he had was one margarita (he just cured his hangover and is drinking again?) and so I felt really weird eating in front of him. He told me all the lawyers he works with in his firm are alcoholics. So then we were supposed to meet up later on that week and he referenced something in the text message about sex, but I got into a fight with him, and we didn't meet up. I asked are we still meeting up and he didn't respond. A week went by. I said sorry about our fight last week and I'm sorry if I hurt you. I asked him out and then we were supposed to meet up at 7 that night for a beer and he would let me know where. At 6:45 I asked where to meet at and he didn't respond at all. I sent him some more texts and he didn't respond. I deleted his number out of my phone. A week later he suddenly texts me today saying "sorry my phone glitched, I just got all my contacts back now."

from your experience. What's the deal with this guy? Is he hiding a secret girlfriend? And what's with the being all weird and late and then not responding, is he intentionally trying to stand me up, or is this the sign of an alcoholic/drug addict who can't control his problems?

ANSWER: Hi,

well experience or not, this is very clear and I hope that you can take yourself out of this situation to gain clarity. Fortunately, G-d is showing you some very clear and evident signs to help you see that this dude is a really big waste basket. He is drinking excessively and is openly telling you how hungover he is. He continuously flops on your plans and tries to make it up to you but undoubtedly fails to meet expectations. He is enjoying a lifestyle that is completely and utterly destructive; drinking and drinking some more. Not to mention, he slips in a comment about sex and you get upset about it (rightfully so) and then you apologize? This does not seem right from many different angles. Firstly, this guy has no interest in developing a relationship with you and does not seem to be interested in putting in effort to even fake it. Secondly, you have apologized for defending his inappropriate comment to you; you must allow yourself to have a voice when men who are not serious make disgusting comments. Be real with yourself when you feel like something is not adding up positively and run for the hills. Look for someone who shows real signs of gentleman tendencies and is open to having a relationship. Find that out before you invest your time in him and make sure that he is honest about; unlike this non-facebook user, who has facebook.

Best of luck!

Becky

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: What was hiding the Facebook about, do you think he has a secret girlfriend?

(Yes all my doctor/lawyer friends are all alcoholics too)

And why does he come back a week later every time and randomly text me again. Why hasn't he just moved on and forgotten about me?

Answer
What you are hurting from is not that this relationship didn't work out because HE is the alcoholic and unstable business man, but rather that someone so emotionally and physically unavailable rejected having a relationship with you and these guys, to most women, are the bad boys that everyone wants and is attracted to. You want to feel accepted and loved by this person, regardless of whether he wants anything serious or not. It seems that you want to hear from me that you are still wanted and accepted and found attractive by this man, regardless of his emotionally unavailability. However, that is not something that I am here to do. Unfortunately, the reason why you may not have found a relationship up until now is because you are opening yourself up to someone who is emotionally unavailable and trying to make him into something he is not.

Why he hasn't forgotten about it and moved on is what someone stable and normal would do. Someone who is unstable and who is inconsistent is going to come in and out of your life plenty of times before he decides enough is enough.

As for the secret girlfriend, doesn't seem like he is capable of holding on to a relationship.

Best of luck,

Becky

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Becky

Expertise

I can answer almost everything. I am religious person who strongly believes in G-d. If spiritual guidance is also something that you are seeking for, then I am careful and competent in that region. I am also very aware that it's hard to ask for help, with that being said, I am sensitive to others feelings and have gone through hardships in relationships, which demonstrates a quality of empathy and consciousness when it comes to everyday dating situations. I can answer break-up confusions/confusions in dating in general. I can NOT read minds and can answer to the best of my ability in regards to the detail you provide me. With that in consideration, please do not send me pages of information. Pick the most important and effective way to explain the problem and we can make this our problem and our solution together.

Experience

I have been in confusing relationships. Most of all I was in a 5 year relationship that really helped me in developing my intellect and sensitivities, which also played a huge role in discovering myself and those around me.

Organizations
Chai Life Line; deals with special needs children

Education/Credentials
Bachelor of Arts in English Literature Certified teacher in Canada; recognized internationally

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