General Dating Questions/Stood up?


Hello Dennis,

I went on some dates with a smart, handsome, educated guy I met off a dating site called OkCupid.

Initially, he texted me asking if I wanted to get a beer with him at 12 midnight. It was freezing cold that night so of course I did not respond to his text. Three days earlier, a woman in my town had been murdered by a man she met for a beer at midnight from a dating site. This probably wasn't the wisest idea since it was about 10 degrees out.

He started chatting me up again a few days later. He asked me for Starbucks coffee at 7.

When I went to the coffee shop and met him it was really noisy so I asked if he wanted to get a beer instead.

So we went on 2 dates, one was to get a beer, our next date was to get a margarita around lunch time. He was polite and we laughed at a lot of jokes. Both times we kissed and he didn't put his hands on me at all.

I saw his pupils were dilated on one date but he seemed sober and alert when we talked. Hmm.

I asked if he had FaceBook or MySpace or Twitter or Instant Messenger and he said no, he did not have any of those.

He asked me out on a third date for 7 pm that night. I said did he want to get dinner and he said no and he said something like "we'll just get a beer and be having sex in the backseat of my car afterwards" so I told him I was looking for a relationship and not just a one-night-stand and we kind of argued about it and so we didn't meet up that night.

I think I said something that really hurt him. He seemed miffed.

I saw he deleted all of his online dating profiles that same night. Not sure if he met someone or just got annoyed at the sites.

I texted him a few days later saying sorry about last time, if I said something to hurt him, I was really sorry, and maybe I could make it up to you, and asked him if he wanted to meet me at 7 pm for a drink and he said yes, you pick the place. At 5 pm he texted me saying he was at home, see you at 7. So I named two bars, and he wrote "you can do whatever you like, haha" and I thought that was an odd response, so I said "ok, how about Lee's Bar at 7 like we went last time?" and got no response. At 6:45 I wrote "are we still on for tonight at 7 at Lee's Bar?" and got no response. At 7:00 I wrote "hello??" no response.

So unless his phone was lost or stolen, he is standing me up.

Is he trying to get me back for being mean to him and hurting his feelings last week?

His Twitter and Facebook popped up on my phone once I added his phone number to my contact he does have Facebook and was lying to me about it the entire time.

So what do you think Dennis...he has a secret girlfriend the entire time? What's with all this shady behavior?

And if his phone just died, wouldn't he charge it up the next day and chat me up again and say sorry? Unless it got stolen.

Hello Kara!

Let's see, you like this guy, he texts you and simply because it was cold and you didn't want to go out you didn't bother responding to him? Sheesh - I haven't even read any further and I can already see where this going!

He didn't "stand you up". You never had a real date set up. I'm pretty sure based on your previous encounters with him he knows you're just a self-focused game-player and isn't interested in that. I wouldn't be either.

Now, I know you blame him for all of this but the reality is this: you started yourself on this road.

I can't tell you anything about him - who he's met or his behavior. All I can do is comment on yours and frankly, it wasn't very good.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: You can email me directly at:


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Doctor of Philosophy

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