General Dating Questions/Stood up??


Hello Becky,

I went on some dates with a smart, handsome, educated guy I met off a dating site called OkCupid.

Initially, he texted me asking if I wanted to get a beer with him at 12 midnight. It was freezing cold that night so of course I did not respond to his text. Three days earlier, a woman in my town had been murdered by a man she met for a beer at midnight from a dating site. This probably wasn't the wisest idea since it was about 10 degrees out.

He started chatting me up again a few days later. He asked me for Starbucks coffee at 7. A more normal date.

When I went to the coffee shop and met him it was really noisy so I asked if he wanted to get a beer instead.

So we went on 2 dates, one was to get a beer, our next date was to get a margarita around lunch time. He was polite and we laughed at a lot of jokes. Both times we kissed and he didn't put his hands on me at all.

I saw his pupils were dilated once on one date but he seemed sober and alert when we talked. Hmm.

I asked if he had FaceBook or MySpace or Twitter or Instant Messenger and he said no, he did not have any of those.

He asked me out on a third date for 7 pm that night. I said did he want to get dinner and he said no and he said something like "we'll just get a beer and be having sex in the backseat of my car afterwards" so I told him I was looking for a relationship and not just a one-night-stand and we kind of argued about it and so we didn't meet up that night.

I think I said something that really hurt him. He seemed miffed.

I saw he deleted all of his online dating profiles that same night. Not sure if he met someone or just got annoyed at the sites.

I texted him a few days later saying sorry about last time, if I said something to hurt him, I was really sorry, and maybe I could make it up to you, and asked him if he wanted to meet me at 7 pm for a drink and he said yes, you pick the place. At 5 pm he texted me saying he was at home, see you at 7. So I named two bars, and he wrote "you can do whatever you like, haha" and I thought that was an odd response, so I said "ok, how about Lee's Bar at 7 like we went last time?" and got no response. At 6:45 I wrote "are we still on for tonight at 7 at Lee's Bar?" and got no response. At 7:00 I wrote "hello??" no response.

So unless his phone was lost or stolen, he is standing me up.

Is he trying to get me back for being mean to him and hurting his feelings last week?

His Twitter and Facebook popped up on my phone once I added his phone number to my contact he does have Facebook and was lying to me about it the entire time.

So what do you think Becky...he has a secret girlfriend the entire time? What's with all this shady behavior?

And if his phone just died, wouldn't he charge it up the next day and chat me up again and say sorry? Unless it got stolen.

Hi Kara,

sorry to tell you but it is very clear from his response about the "backseat" that you two are on different pages. And while you may have felt awkward by your last encounter, you shouldn't have text messaged him apologizing, since I find what he said to be rather disrespectful and kind of aggressive. Nonetheless, he is uninterested in making up or continuing on what you two had going. My best advice is looking for men who are more emotionally available to developing a loving relationship with you.

Best of luck,

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I can answer almost everything. I am religious person who strongly believes in G-d. If spiritual guidance is also something that you are seeking for, then I am careful and competent in that region. I am also very aware that it's hard to ask for help, with that being said, I am sensitive to others feelings and have gone through hardships in relationships, which demonstrates a quality of empathy and consciousness when it comes to everyday dating situations. I can answer break-up confusions/confusions in dating in general. I can NOT read minds and can answer to the best of my ability in regards to the detail you provide me. With that in consideration, please do not send me pages of information. Pick the most important and effective way to explain the problem and we can make this our problem and our solution together.


I have been in confusing relationships. Most of all I was in a 5 year relationship that really helped me in developing my intellect and sensitivities, which also played a huge role in discovering myself and those around me.

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Bachelor of Arts in English Literature Certified teacher in Canada; recognized internationally

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