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General Dating Questions/not interested or playing hard to get?



    I'm hoping you can help me out with something that has kept me up lately. I met this girl on an online dating site about a month ago. We emailed each other repeatedly for awhile and then began talking on the phone and texting. It was all going very well. We got to know each other to the best that we could over the phone. Last week we went out on a date. It went very well and she seemed to enjoy herself and at the end of the night we agreed to go out again.

Since then however, it's been a mystery. We texted a few times but every time I tried calling her I got no response. No there's is no communication whats so ever. I am really baffled as to why this is. I know the simple answer is that she was not interested but I don't know if this is a hard to get situation. I personally hate the chasing game but there is something about her that makes the chase worth it this time.

Valentines day is coming up and I feel I should make one more move. I am thinking of sending her flowers with a card. I know this sounds desperate and it probably is but is it worth a shot? Or should I cut my losses? It just baffles me how she could be ignoring me when we had been communicating for some time. It's not like it was a blind date. I need to get past this somehow. I look forward to your response.

Hi Andy,
Thanks for taking the time to write. I'm sorry to hear that this girl has suddenly gone MIA. You mention that after your date, you've texted a few times. Has the tone of the texts been the same as it was before you went on the date? Does she ever initiate the texts? Is she the one who stops responding?

If she's not answering her phone and the communication has dropped off, I'm sorry to say it sounds like she most likely is not interested in taking the relationship any further, Andy. It's unfortunate that people won't just be honest about how they're feeling and save everyone else time and grief.

Andy, if you feel like there was truly a mutual connection when you met up for your date and want to give it one last try, I think a phone call/voice message asking her out again would suffice. Particularly if there is an event that you can specifically invite her to. For example, are there any concerts coming up that you think she'd enjoy, etc?

Sending her flowers and a card for Valentine's day might be a bit over the top. In my experience, when a girl has been on a date with a guy that she really felt a strong connection and chemistry with, she won't play too hard to get. She might be a little elusive about a day/time that she's available, but she won't be altogether unresponsive.

I'm very sorry to hear that you've been left to wonder what's going on, Andy. From everything you've told me, you're a gentleman and a good date. Hopefully you meet someone else on the site that you're interested in, and who is more deserving of your attentions.

Wish you the best of luck,

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I can answer questions related to "the chase"--whether to be patient or more assertive. I can answer questions regarding break-ups and moving on. I can answer questions related to flirting and meeting new people as well as how to inspire them to call you.


I have much personal experience as well as often play the role of matchmaker and advice-giver with many of my friends. I took several classes related to gender relations in college, giving me a solid perspective on communication between couples and what it means.

My writing has appeared on a website and various anthologies.

Graduated with a BA from Villanova University.

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