General Dating Questions/Parents

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QUESTION: I am currently talking to a girl (both 16 and in the 11th grade) and we want to be able to hang out but her parents wont let us see each other outside of school. we do like each other very much, but it frustrates us that we cant hang out. is there anyway to get her parents to let us hang? I haven't met them personally yet.

ANSWER: Hello James!

I personally believe that parents need to understand that their 16-year-olds need to have these connections outside of school too. This is the time that you're learning how to date and one day to form relationships. Of course, her parents are concerned that boys are going to affect her school work and that they can't control her if she's not home or at school.

The reality is; they really can't control her in the way they think they can either. Eventually she's going to get tired of constantly being under their thumb and will just take everything underground. You don't want that because it makes you the bad guy.

Here's what I recommend:

Have this girl talk to her parents again but this time, not to try to convince them to let her go out with you. Instead, have her ask them to let you come over for dinner one night. This way you can meet them.

When you do, let them get to know you and see that you're really a good guy. You should also invite her over to meet your parents as well and get the parents involved - maybe connect them through some event (like a birthday or something from school). All of these things will help them feel more comfortable letting their daughter have more freedom.

You and she are definitely at the age where you need to have some autonomy in order to grow and learn the skills you're going to be using the rest of your life. If you try to use that freedom wisely you'll get more of it. For example, if they agree to let you and their daughter start hanging out they will likely set specific curfews - like 8 pm or dinner-time or something like that. RESPECT THOSE TIMES, along with any other restrictions they have.

If you do this responsibly, you'll get more freedom. If you don't you'll lose what little they give you both early on.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Now with the information given. Meet the parents. In that time, what should I do to still have her like me because I only have one class with her but until I hang with her I can't do much. So what are some tips to get her to still feel the same towards me?

Thanks,
James

Answer
Hello again James!

Ok, I misunderstood your question. I was under the impression that you and she already had something going and that you both wanted to be able to hang out after school and on weekends. From this question you're telling me that you haven't even put anything together with her.

Are you sure that she's not just giving you this excuse about her parents because she isn't interested?

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

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I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

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I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

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Doctor of Philosophy

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