You are here:

General Dating Questions/Stupid women at the workplace

Advertisement


Question
QUESTION: Hello Dr. Neder,

I am 40 and very fit and athletic for my age. At the workplace, there is one woman who really wants to fight me. She is 20 years old and not as educated as I am and she is not very attractive but wears very nice makeup and has very nice hair and clothes. However she is a college graduate and scored very high on IQ tests. She is wealthy, married to a rich successful handsome man and has beautiful children, drives a nice expensive luxury sports car and lives in a mansion. I do not have any of those things and am single, never married. I am a middle class regular gal. But this 20 year old really wants to challenge me for some irrational reason. She goes absolutely crazy and goes ballistic when I walk by. When I walk by talking on my cell phone, and I'm not even looking at her, her entire body has convulsions and seizures, she can't stand to be in the same room as me. She complains about everything I do. Once she went into an explosive screaming tirade all by herself for about 5 minutes about something I had slacked off in, she backed me into the corner and went nuts screaming and yelling, and everyone else in the company smirked and laughed. Every time I walk by, she goes crazy all by herself.

She is very wealthy and high class and is a college grad with an engineering degree so she should be reasonably smart if she is a math/science person, yet acts like those nutty people on the Jerry Springer shows tossing their head around and lifting up their finger to tell people off like the way ghetto girls do. I don't know what to say.

At 40, I have no idea how to deal with a 20 year old who wants to fight me. And I'm not even doing anything, she is going ballistic all by herself when I'm walking by not even talking to her or looking at her. And she fights me for things that don't even make sense, there is nothing to fight about, she just makes stuff up, like if I eat one more slice of pizza at work pizza parties than everyone else, she goes ballistic screaming about that, and tells everyone I hog things. Since she is complaining so much about me eating 1 extra slice of pizza and taking 1 extra napkin, everyone is starting to notice I really do those petty things no one else would care about, and now they all believe her too. So stupid.

How do I deal with a stupid girl half my age that is constantly threatening to fight me?

Oh and she is 5'0" tall and I am 6'0" so I tower over her so it's hard for me not to laugh, but it is bothering me since she is becoming annoying.

I think this is a common situation in life. Intimidation, jealous of other's success, bad people jealous of good happy honest people who are hardworking and get promotions, etc.

But I'm not sure how to deal with these ignorant hyenas. I have been laughing at her and rolling my eyes a lot but ignoring doesn't stop the pest of course.

Oh and I tried to talk to her? And she ran screaming into the room and locked the door behind her.

Well I don't know what to say.

And yes a 20 year old guy did this once to me too...that situation was REALLY weird. From a woman doing it to another woman is expected, when a man does it to a much older woman, that's just even weirder. But this girl is really weird because she is 20 years younger than me so it all just seems silly.

ANSWER: Hello!

You're "fit and athletic FOR YOUR AGE"? I'd think you're fit and athletic at ANY age!

This girl may be 20 chronological years, but it sounds like she's about 12 emotional years. Therein lays your answer.

How would you deal with a 12-year-old who did this sort of thing? Don't look at what she has at all - it's all absolutely meaningless. Further, it can be taken away in a New York second. Instead, look at who she is; and more to the point, who she has spent her 20 years becoming.

The clothes you wear, the car you drive and even the person you marry is NOT who you really are. Who knows what problems she really has and why all of this is happening? I certainly don't and I'll bet you don't either.

So, as to how to handle this:

1) As long as this doesn't disrupt the workplace AND as long as everyone gets his/her job done you can just react by letting her throw her little 12-year-old tantrum and finishing the conversation with, "Don't worry honey, I understand". You don't even have to explain what it is that you "understand"!

2) If it IS affecting the workplace you need to go talk to your boss right away. Now, before you fire off a knee-jerk-reaction letter to me telling me you already have done this or that this person is on her side or whatever; stop. Regardless of what has happened in the past you need to take this step right away - again if need be. That way you'll have ammunition when you go to your boss' boss because they aren't doing anything to fix things. Also, BE SURE TO DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!!! Yes, EVERYTHING.

Keep in mind that a great deal of this is likely a need for attention. Women in their late teens and early twenties have a profound need to seek out attention and often define themselves by how much attention they can get. This sounds like this case with this girl.

You're not going to make her grow out of it by rewarding her behavior in any way. Start seeing her as the 12-year-old emotional child that she is and respond to her that way. Feel free to get her parents involved as well (the company's management) if need be. Trust me on this: no employer wants to be seen as promoting a hostile workplace. If they do, you'll have a wonderful lawsuit available to you - yet another reason to document everything.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: She is an ignorant woman, at 20 years old she does not know the difference between Christian, Catholic, Muslim, Jewish, and Hindu. She thinks all 5 are all the same religion. Yeah it's shocking.

She thinks all asian people are one way, all whites another, all blacks another, all mexicans another. She thinks all asians are buddhist and cannot be any other religion.

She pointedly argued with me on all of these points, I stayed calm and collected, and she started screaming with her face contorted like the girl in the exorcist movie. LOL.

She once pointed out a man of a completely different religion than me, she asked us both what religions we were, and she said "you two should date since you pray to the same God."

LOL.

She laughs at burping and farting jokes all day, she pointed at my chest and started laughing at what bra I was wearing and my chest size.

I made a comment that spiders and reptiles sometimes camouflage to hide themselves and she started viciously arguing with me saying that normal people don't know facts like this, you're a weirdo, why do you know such detailed science.

How can someone with an engineering degree be this much of an ignoramus? Weird.

I think this already tells you about 75% of what you need to know about her.

However unfortunately she has now turned the office against me because it is true (LOL I do eat like a man) I always did take one more extra chicken wing than everyone else, and now they talk about this ALL day long, about me eating one more chicken wing.

This situation is extremely common in the workplace, by the way.

There is always one person who is the oddball. Either they are too mature, too old, too smart, too wise, too beautiful, too charismatic, too fat, too ugly, too skinny... it's always something. And the ignorant dumbass people (who also tend to be evil genius bullies) tend to jump on that.

Being too mature is one big problem... the generation gap is way too much. A gulf. An ocean. The youth cannot understand why you are so calm and collected and think you're a snob.

The fact that she goes into convulsions when I walk by not even looking at her is telling.

The fact that she ran screaming into the room and locked the door behind her is telling.

I remember being 20 and all 20 year olds around me were smart and serious though.

Part of her reacting to me like this is that she is not mentally developed and so against someone intelligent and attractive and older and wiser and more calm and collected, it makes her feel inferior, it makes her feel like an ignoramus so she gets so uncomfortable that she freaks out. This is common.

At 40 I also know a lot that 20 year old women don't. You're more comfortable with sexuality, and you know where to go to buy quality products for cheap. Such as I get my hair cut and styled and colored at cheap salons that make me look like a movie star and buy their salon shampoos at discounted costs, I get coupons from Target and Walmart and ULTA and Sephora so for $5 I can get $100 worth of movie star quality makeup and jewelry. Also just all those years of readings books and magazines and newspapers and dealing with so many different people in your life, you just "know more"

A 20 year old cannot compete with me. A 30 year old possibly might depending on their life situation.

By the same token, I cannot possibly compete with you. I would feel like an ignoramus next to you since YOU know way more than me! I just wouldn't express it in such an immature way as her of course.

ANSWER: Hello again!

Two little words: "hostile workplace".

If the entire office is 12-years-old and it's making it difficult for you to get your job done (or at least uncomfortable) you have a lot of sway with management - even if THEY are 12-years-old as well!

The truth is; our liberal court system just LOVES these sorts of lawsuits! Keep that in your back pocket whenever you need it.

Until then just keep saying (to yourself and occasionally, out-loud) "...so young..."

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Oh yeah it is unbelievable the way some grown people act. But that's how they are, they have serious problems. All you can do is change YOUR OWN reaction to it. Some people are really strong and can just shrug it off; but the point is that no one needs a nuisance or a pest screaming at them, that's just plain harassment and it shouldn't be tolerated. If you don't stop it now, people like this get way worse when they climb the corporate ladder (if they don't mentally self-destruct first, lol) and then if they become a supervisory position, they turn into a Nazi. So in some ways, you almost have to stop them by calming them down before it blows up into something bigger.

Answer
Hey!

True. The unfortunate reality however is that very few people ever really get their comeuppance. Karma is a great concept but it isn't real and often, people who mistreat others get away with it.

What you obviously don't want to do is to become the whistle-blower who is seen as the troublemaker/instigator and thus, you have to pick your battles carefully.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

General Dating Questions

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Expertise

I'm able to answer any sort of question related to the approach, meeting people, dating, sex, relationships, break-ups, non-legal marriage and divorce questions, and anything in between. I've helped over 30,000 people with their individual issues. IMPORTANT: Please, PLEASE don't ask me, "what was he thinking..." or "why did he say..." types of questions! I DO NOT READ MINDS! There are 1,001 reasons why someone does what they do, says what they say or thinks what they think. If you *REALLY* want to know what they were thinking, saying or why they were acting that way - go ask them! Be sure to check out my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

Experience

I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers all over the world. My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but I also have many female readers and answer questions for them regularly as well.

Education/Credentials
Doctor of Philosophy

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.