General Dating Questions/dating after divorce
I have recently gotten divorced from my wife of 7 years. We have a child who is about to be 2. I found out she was having affairs and the such. Thus, we split ways. However because of our son I end up seeing photos of her and people which makes me feel/seem worse off.
Now my wife was my first and only lady so I never really did anything with dating. I am mot even sure how I got with her. One day I just walked up to her and asked her out.
However, this tactic doesn't seem to work with anyone else.
The problem I seem to run into is I can start talking to women but after a couple of sentences or the such they seem to lose interest or I give up and walk off.
Such as I was talking to a lady at work for a day or so and then she stopped talking to me. I didn't hit on her or anything of that nature we were just talking about random things and hitting it off and then it just went cold.
I guess my question is how should I go about getting past this "hump" that I seem to run into with every woman I talk to.
First off, let me say that I am very sorry to hear of your divorce, especially the infidelity that you experienced. Divorce is always tough, but I know that children complicate the matter even further. My parents divorced when I was a teenager, and while it was very painful in the beginning, I also look back and realize that this event was the catalyst for me later on in life to discover how and why women stay with one man versus another. I began to change myself for the better, and you can too.
Now, I can already tell from the contents of your question that you are very inexperienced when it comes to women and dating. Fair enough. If I can be blatantly honest with you for a second, this inexperience likely contributed to the eventual divorce between you and your wife. What happens with inexperience is that we miss all the warning signs that the ship is going down…because we don’t even know what those warning signs look like. You are basically flying blind. So it will be of the utmost importance to you and your future dating/relationship success that you expose yourself to new ways of thinking and new materials that will help you do just that. I’m sure if you’ve read any of my previous responses you know that my absolute favorite book for teaching men how to be successful with women is one entitled “The System” by Doc Love (doclove.com). Now, the book may seem a little quirky at times, but I can assure you that this book is solid gold when it comes to the advice it gives. And it is one of the few books I have found that is written by a man specifically for men. I could go on and on all day about mistakes you may be making and how to fix them, but by ordering the book and utilizing the material contained there, you will have 95% of the knowledge required for success with women. So go order it now! Read it cover to cover at least 10 times to really internalize the information. Much of the information contained in this book will be new for you and may even sound too far out of your comfort zone, but this comfort zone is likely a cause for you and your wife drifting apart over the 7 years of marriage.
I believe that all good men, including yourself, deserve a chance at finding and keeping not just any woman, but the RIGHT woman for you. The System will also teach you how to “qualify” woman before you invest too much time and energy into them. The amount of headache and heartache this book can save you is worth the price of admission alone. I highly encourage you to purchase it as I truly believe in its teachings. (Disclaimer: I do get a small commission on sales of The System. If you do decide to purchase the book, please email me your order or invoice number as this helps me offer the advice I do on here at no cost)
Now, about your conversation issues. It is very difficult to say exactly what is going wrong without actually witnessing your conversations for myself. You are turning these women off somehow during your conversations. My best educated guess is that you talk about your divorce, how your wife cheated on you, how this is hurting your child, etc. These are all very heavy subjects and highly negative to boot. There is no sane person that will want to listen to a person bemoan about their issues unless they are getting paid to do it (see Therapist). That is my hunch, but again I do not know all of the contents of your conversations with these women, but do your best to avoid any negative or heavy subjects when you are talking with women, especially if you have romantic interest in them. This will prove counterproductive and detrimental to your chances.
The other piece of advice I would offer you is to take time now for just yourself. Learn about yourself. Discover new things about what you want, both in life and in a mate. Let me tell you, I was in a relationship with a woman for 4 years. When that relationship finally ended, I took the next 3 years to be SINGLE. The first year of which I had no dates of any kind, intentionally! I knew that I needed to know who I was as a man, love who I was as a man, and learn what makes men successful with women before I even step foot back out into the dating world. You would be best to do this for yourself. That way when Miss Right does come along, you'll be ready. Go do things you enjoy. Get a new hobby. Go hit the gym and get in incredible shape. Whatever calls to you, just don’t be in a rush to get into another relationship without allowing adequate time for you to heal. And you absolutely need time to heal whether you are consciously aware of it or not!
This I believe is another reason for your “hump” with women. They can smell the despair and heartache all over you, and it is turning them away. Women want to be with a confident man who knows himself, is authentic, and is a classy gentleman. Go order the book, internalize the newfound information, and focus on YOU and what YOU want in life. I wish you all the best in your future endeavors my friend.